CHOOSE YOUR MOOD CHANNEL?
Depressurize…today. But how? Where does your pressure originate — lack of sleep, unexpected problems, shortage of time, or bad moods caused by someone getting on your last nerve? Problems in cahoots with emotions have a way of distracting you from finding solutions to even the smallest of puzzlements. Moreover, you want to be able to get your work done and enjoy yourself, and your team members, as you effectively solve problems that benefit everyone. Can you pump up your mood and promote unstoppable motivation in yourself? Yes, by using the Talk to Me© positive and effective communication system. Talk tip? Purposefully select the talk lanes in which you drive, to boost your positive energy and help you feel calm, centered, and confident…and to encourage you to solve problems, not cause them.
I’M NO LONGER IN A BAD MOOD WHEN I WAKE UP
Here’s how one manager using the Talk to Me© system described the changes that quickly added up in his life:
I used to always be on a bumpy mood ride…I would get mad over anything. I couldn’t get to sleep easily at night, because in my mind I’d be trying to solve all my problems that arose during the day. Then I’d wake up in a bad mood and get mad at myself, feeling the angry grogginess of sleep deprivation. My mind wouldn’t clear, and I couldn’t think straight during the day. It’s not nearly as bad now, because I’m using the talk tools from Talk to Me. I’ve needed something to be significantly different in my life for a while. Perhaps this positive change will last. We’ve even had good times talking as a family, and we feel good as a couple, too. It all feels really good.…I feel calmer, more confident, and more able to flexibly handle whatever comes up during my work day. People at work comment on how much better I’m doing, but as an I-type teaser I just say, “Hey, it’s my new haircut!” But my thoughts really are flowing freely…I’ve been accomplishing more work in less time…and I’m feeling much less depressed.
The Talk to Me© system will help you feel more energized on a regular basis, whether the work is routine and boring or exciting and passion-driven! You will be in the driver’s seat of your work performance, and you will enjoy it!
EMPATHIZER VS. INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR MOTIVATIONAL APPROACHES
Your innate communicator type determines how you approach work and motivate yourself to complete the work required. Innate differences:
- SENSITIVE EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATORS. Sensitive types — Empathizer (E-types) communicators — disapprove of feeling pressured, and when their backs are up against the wall, it takes a psychic toll. When feeling pressured, Empathizers’ stellar performances decline and taper off. E-types then become overly cautious, opposing any activities which involve taking a risk, becoming risk-adverse.
- INSENSITIVE INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATORS. Insensitive types — Instigator (I-types) communicators — handle pressure like pros, but it can take a physical toll. When crisis strikes, Instigators quell their emotions to excel. When boredom comes home to roost, though, I-types’ energy and motivation drains from them like gas through a hole in a gas tank. I-types then become too impatient and risk-perverse by stirring the pot or jumping into new lines of work.
Neither energy vector source is better or worse than the other. From the brief descriptions above, are you an E- or I-type communicator when it comes to pressures at work and problem-solving preferences?
PROBLEM-SOLVING: NEW, SMALL STEPS NET HUGE REWARDS
What small problem-solving steps might give you a completely new view of what’s working and what’s not working? Ways to open both E- and I-types’ minds to new solutions that work to solve pesky problems:
1. Be on-purpose. Often, you hear this true excuse: “But, I didn’t do it on purpose.” That’s exactly the problem! You need to do more things ON PURPOSE. Otherwise, your mission will be off-purpose and off-course. The result — a lack of problems being solved.
2. Don’t try to solve problems as you’re trying to get to sleep. Although you think about tons of issues and possible solutions, you will not get to sleep easily nor will you sleep peacefully. Solutions to problems are rarely found in your dreams.
3. Master the habit of Deflection and Distraction. Humans hope that by ignoring problems, they’ll go away, and perhaps they do, for a while. Then they will sharply boomerang right back at you, whacking you in the head or cutting your cheek.
4. Own and wear your part of the problem proudly. Awareness is the first step to solving a problem. Be aware that you pile much stress on yourself by the way you talk to yourself, and how you do or don’t structure your day effectively.
5. Allow yourself to accept help. You live in the growth zone, not the stunted zone! Talk to professional consultants, who will serve you as a neutral voice of calm reason, about the issues which perplex you.
6. Change your point of view, just a little. Turn a little to the left or to the right to see a different view of the Grand Canyon…or the problem at hand. Park in a different spot…read something you ordinarily wouldn’t…walk around in your work space to places where you normally wouldn’t go. Often, a change of scenery is just what is needed to induce “the light bulb comes on in a darkened room” effect.
7. Let go of Dictatorial Communication. Your way is not the only way, and many times it’s not the best way, even when you can convince others to follow you. Two-way talks result in A’s bright idea + B’s strong opinion being put on the Communicator Table, where they merge into C, a creative solution that no one saw while focusing on a singular option.
Why go on a bumpy mood-ride that jolts your problem-solving capacities and deflects your attention from solving what you can and letting go of what you cannot control?
ON CONFLICT AND EMOTIONS
Are you unintentionally causing conflicts that stress you? Of course you are! You often burn your own psychological toast! Well, how does pressuring yourself with extremely negative (pessimistic) thinking or extremely positive (optimistic) feelings relate to your communicator type performance, using the Empathizer or Instigator lens?
I. E-TYPE CONFLICT STYLE. For Empathizers, accepting unnecessary conflict is tied to feeling helpless in the face of anxiety. E-types will unintentionally put up with big problems for too long — by trying to ignore the elephant in the room — before fixing them. Thus, when they are anxious, E-types are vulnerable to changing too little as the time stands still.
II. I-TYPE CONFLICT STYLE. For Instigators, causing unnecessary conflict is linked to feeling hopeless in the face of boredom. I-types will either unintentionally create a mess and make problems when they feel bored, or they won’t solve the little problems, that are as clear as the noses on their faces, which could lead to big solutions for everyone. Thus, when I-types are bored, they are vulnerable to changing what they shouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole.
When E-types and I-types are driving their respective blue and orange communicator cars — cutting across negative talk lanes without signaling — problems are repeated and reinforced. Unhelpful communication patterns develop and become indelibly etched in the drivers’ minds. E-types know how to groove with people, while I-types know how to move people! And, although E-types need to have the first action, that doesn’t stop I-types from having the last word!
THE HUMMINGBIRD EFFECT
In my motivational story of the hummingbird stuck in my garage, Birdie made her problem much worse by doing the opposite of what would work. She flew to the back of my garage where it was dark, then flew up to get out, beating her little head against the ceiling, trying to get out, until her tiny feathers were flying everywhere. Know the feeling? The actual solution was to fly down…and back, toward the bright light, to escape.
This is yet another good reason for adopting the strengths of your opposite communicator type! The solution is in the other room in your heart-mind, so to speak. That’s why I recommend this problem-solving and energy-producing communication rule: “When you’re doing something that isn’t working, do something — anything — differently, including doing the opposite of what you’ve been pushing.”
Repeating problems paradoxically give us all a feeling of security, because the same results predictably keep happening over and over again. Is this the kind of security that we really wish for?
WORK WITH YOUR EMOTIONS INSTEAD OF AGAINST THEM
Pushing against the river will wear you out. Why working constructively with emotions is so important to both E- and I-types:
E-types: You don’t have to run and hide from your emotional anxiety, through bad action habits or being the proverbial ostrich. This is problem avoidance.
I-types: You don’t have to run and hide from your emotional boredom, through bad talk habits or being the proverbial bull in the china closet. This is solutions avoidance.
My dear Empathizers and Instigators, we all work better together! You can look at the bright side of things — and still deal with dark emotions — as you solve problems effectively, and move on down the road of life with a smile and a feeling of gratification.
ABOUT LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION TRAINING EXPERT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Get behind the wheel and take control of your communication and organizational skills with Dr. O’Grady’s Executive Coaching and Professional Training. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region psychologist who provides private therapy for couples and communications training for corporations. Dr. O’Grady’s pioneering interpersonal communications system will help you get along with anyone, even the difficult or annoying people in your life, to make you a better communicator. His communication system is the focus of his third book, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone,” which is available at www.drogrady.com and Amazon.