CommTool #15: If I Told You (Fill In The Blank)…Would You Be Mad?
You’ve got nothing to lose when you try some new communication moves to get along with anyone. Granted, the complete road map to positive and effective communication is in my latest book “Talk to Me,” available on this site and at Amazon. The Talk to Me roadmap puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life. Meanwhile, go ahead and use this bold new communication tool for a few days to worry less and boost your mood fast — especially when talking to a crappy communicator who’s trying to slow you down and make you frown.
BOOST YOUR MOOD INSTEAD OF BUST YOUR CHOPS
This is a low-key talk tool to help you better generate internal positive energy and establish better relationship moods. IF I TOLD YOU THAT this tool will work wonders in your life…would you be mad or happy? Let’s check out some fun examples of how you can make this tool your own.
1. IF I TOLD YOU THAT you look really young…would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely not … that would make me really happy. I don’t mind at all!
2. IF I TOLD YOU THAT you look great in that outfit…would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely … that would make me blush. I would feel awkward!
3. IF I TOLD YOU THAT your hair style really shows off your face…would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely not…that would make me really happy. I don’t mind at all!
4. IF I TOLD YOU THAT you always come through by under-promising and over-delivering, would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely not…that would make me really happy. I don’t mind at all!
5. IF I TOLD YOU THAT you make me split a gut from laughing… would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely … that would make me terribly depressed because I’m such a good comic. Oh yeah, I would feel real shy!
6. IF I TOLD YOU THAT I admire how lovingly you speak of your kids …would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely not … that would make me really happy. I don’t mind at all!
7. IF I TOLD YOU THAT I would like to get together with you soon socially … would you be mad?
Response: Absolutely not … if I can find a time that would work out. I don’t mind at all!
COMMTOOL #15: IF I TOLD YOU WHAT I TRULY THINK AND FEEL … WOULD YOU BE MAD AT ME?
Do you dare to care? Then do you dare to take a risk to speak the appropriate and accurate positive out loud? Sure, getting comfortable with the art of providing positive and negative feedback is a challenge for Empathizer- and Instigator-type communicators alike. If you don’t know your type, you won’t know which direction you’re driving to the town of Good Talk.
WHY LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH AND THEN PULL ITS TEETH?
If you don’t want to make someone mad or be taken wrong, it’s easy to stare past your biggest strengths and be fearful of showing loving appreciation. But why think negatively about talking positively about others? Why view this exercise suspiciously, as if strings are attached to anything that’s positive or uplifting?
EVERYONE ISN’T A SELF-CRITIC ALL OF THE TIME
Are you a self-critic? Everyone isn’t a self-critic all of the time. Logic helps you unleash your positive words without fearing that you will be a sucker, nincompoop, manipulative kiss-up, critical bullroar parent, or thought of as stupid, crazy or high on something.
ABOUT PROFESSIONAL KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady likes to think of himself as the AAA tow-truck driver, the guy who arrives on the scene just in time to help everyone on the Communications Highway make the necessary repairs – sometimes small, sometimes huge – that get everyone going again. He’s author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”
AND CHECK OUT THESE OTHER DR. O’GRADY COMMUNICATION TOOLS
CommTool#14: IF you say so! CommTool#13: What makes you say that?
CommTool#12: Are you saying that…? CommTool#11: SO, what’s your point?
CommTool#10: IF the shoe fits, baby CommTool#9: I need you to know I’m feeling scared CommTool#8: Now HEAR THIS my dear mind CommTool#7: What makes you think THAT CommTool#6: I need you to hear… CommTool#5: WHAT does IT have to do with me? CommTool#4: CHANGE…THE DAMN RECORD CommTool#3: Why ‘It’s not fair’ is supremely fair CommTool#2: Is this good for ME? CommTool#1: You’ve said that already
“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” is reverse psychology that discourages you from giving positive feedback, too. In your mind, is giving honest positive feedback to yourself or others a royal sign of weakness? Furthermore, are Instigator-type communicators more comfortable giving positive feedback to the self than their Empathizer-type counterparts when stress strikes? Let me know what you think.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — January 2, 2007 @ 8:06 am
Kind words show acceptance of the person. I believe a good relationship is give-and-take; not take-and-take. One-way relationships are unequal and make a partner try too hard to be cared for.
Comment by Susie — January 2, 2007 @ 9:04 am
I don’t want to be too cruel. True friendship ought to transcend time or compliments. Gushy words can be “all talk” and manipulative. Reciprocation is what makes a relationship good.
Comment by Wendy — January 2, 2007 @ 10:03 am