Are You In An Expressive or Depressive Relationship?
You are either in an “expressive” or a “depressive” relationship because of your preferred communication style. An expressive relationship encourages an open mind and flowing emotions. Thus, open talking solves problems and promotes the fresh air of change.
In contrast, a depressive relationship encourages closed minds, closed mouths, closed ears, and blocked emotions. Thus, defensive talking peppers the relationship and perpetuates problems and promotes the stale air of unfair fights that go nowhere.
“It’s my way or hit the highway!” is the stamp of a depressive relationship…while “It’s our way on the two-way communicator highway!” is the calling card of an expressive relationship.
WHY CAN’T WE TALK? Empathizer vs. Instigator Communicators
- If you are an Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator, you will try harder and harder and harder to “make things right” when talks go astray. You will shy away from giving negative feedback because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
- In contrast, if you are an Instigator-type communicator you will be quite comfortable giving negative feedback and less comfortable hearing and using negative feedback that heralds change.
A Perfect Divorce Storm
Divorce isn’t mysterious. People who divorce use defensive talk tactics that stall out problem solving and togetherness. When emotions aren’t addressed and problems aren’t resolved…resentment builds until a breaking point is reached. A perfect divorce storm awaits you if you continue to talk defensively and ineffectively.
CHANGE HAPPENS! Including in relationships, personalities, habit patterns, tastes and compulsions…ALL LIFE LONG. After all, tigers can change their stripes, dogs can learn new tricks and “brainy” human beings can change at any stage in life. Who ya’ callin’ a dog, anyway? So why not spruce up your communication skills…attacking the problem and not the person?
Always remember this: Expressing yourself doesn’t mean defensive talking that puts off change and puts down people.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Clinical Professor at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology and the author of Talk to Me: Communication moves to get along with anyone