If You Judge a Person By What They Do…Will You Ever Really Get to Know Them?
What you SAY to yourself is more important at times than what you DO. Good communication tools include talking sense to yourself when your head spins around about what you should/shouldn’t do or when you feel knocked senseless by stress.
What’s UP: Today’s featured communication tool is used when YOU might be your own worst enemy by making a choice now that won’t play out well in your future.
Partying Talks
Imagine you are having a talk with yourself about whether or not you should do something that will “feel good” in the short term but cause you regrets in the longer haul. This includes misusing alcohol or drugs, sex, affairs, quitting a job, ending a relationship and so on.
You are worrying but also inclined to say “what the heck…I’ll just do it!” This may be a good time for CommTool #2: “Is this good for me?”
Here we go…you hear yourself or friends saying:
It’s going to be a good time. You don’t want to miss out. We work so hard and rarely get a time to really cut loose. You deserve a break now and then. We’re just chillin’….(drinking/smoking/sexing/etc.) doing it on a casual basis. You’re just using socially–you don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol. Everyone is doing it. You can stop using at any time. Go ahead and do it just this once! We’ll have a good time!
YOUR INNER-TALK RESPONSE: “Is this good for me?!”
When you throw caution to the wind by saying “Ah, I’ll go ahead and do it…I don’t have to think SO much about it!” try saying: “Is this good for me? I can do anything I want to BUT is this good for me??!”
Maybe something different might happen…you will stop and think and make a more thoughtful decision. After all, the goal here is to make best use of your creative talents. Disallow anyone from wearing your down with their interrogative talk techniques meant to control you and y/our response.
One last time: “Is this good for me? Is this a good source of positive energy for me? IF I can do anything I want to is this good for me?!”
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of TALK TO ME and New Insights Communication consulting psychologist.