Poisonous people wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control.
Poisonous people hate emotions…and wage war on your happiness to gain the upper hand of control. If you bite into their poison apple, you will fall asleep into depression or frustration, or both.
Who’s messing with your peace of mind today? Why is it that you try to help someone who repeatedly stings you with their poison, and at the expense of your own happiness and personal desires? The answer just might be that you fear doing what you “love to do” to feel energized and happy because doing so might mean you are SO “selfish.”
Do you feel confident that: “There’s no better person to be than ME!?!”
Or have you given a negative person a license to drive around helter-skelter in your mind and bring you down? What’s UP to you: Allow no one to make your head spin around…to mess with your serenity, contentment OR peace of mind for long. And don’t feel sorry for someone who saps your energy and zaps your self-esteem while simultaneously pleading for your help and understanding.
The timeless fable I share below is excerpted from my book, Taking the Fear Out of Changing, and will explain to you why, “Sympathy may not always be the best policy!”
The Fable Of The Scorpion And The White Horse
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a tremendous life-threatening fire in the forest. All the animals were frightened and panicked.
The animals frantically ran toward the big river that bordered the forest to reach safety. Most of the animals were able to cross the wide river with the help of a rush of potent adrenaline.
All reached safety except for the Scorpion, who because of his small size was unable to cross alone. Without help, the Scorpion would die in the fire. He knew what he must do.
A marvelous White Horse came galloping up right then. The other animals in the forest greatly admired the White Horse for his good deeds, strength and kind spirit. The Scorpion was no different from the other creatures in this regard.
The Scorpion called out in a tiny voice: “Oh, help me, White Horse, help me get across the river.” At once the White Horse answered: “I can’t do that. I can’t help you. You are a Scorpion; you will bite me if I give you a ride on my back acoss the river.”
“Why don’t you TRUST me?” replied the Scorpion. “Biting you would jeopardize my life and would be a foolish thing to do. Wouldn’t you agree?”
On a sorrowful note the Scorpion pleaded: “Only you can help me White Horse. Please don’t leave me behind to be burned alive in this terrible fire.”
Reluctantly, the White Horse agreed. Going against his better judgment he said: “Okay, hop on. But you better be careful. Remember, both of us will drown if you pull anything funny.”
The Scorpion thanked the White Horse, and with a dark red glimmer in his eyes, hopped on quickly. The White Horse, swollen with pride and muscles rippling, swam mightily out into the river.
About half way across, the White Horse suddenly felt a horrendous sting. Poison filled his veins.
The White Horse screamed: “You fool! What have you done now? You’ll kill the both of us. We’re doomed to drown. How could you do such a stupid thing? Why on God’s earth did you do this?”
And the Scorpion calmly replied: “Because my dear White Horse, I’m a Scorpion!”
Read the fable carefully and you will find that the Scorpion never promised he wouldn’t bite the beautiful White Horse. The popular saying that “IT is what it is!” (I2WI2) means a Scorpion stings.
The moral of the story? Fair play relationship rules all change when you’re around a poisonous person. A poisonous person “sells” you on helping them, figuring: “It’s up to the buyer to beware, be-aware and be wary!” Or put differently, “It’s not my fault that I am what I am!”
“Why don’t you trust me?” is a good gut-check perhaps that the person you’re currently dealing with is NOT to be trusted. Pleasers struggle and strain with the fact that no amount of extra giving can–or should–make someone else change or be diffferent…to be a better person.
Ending the search for approval and the neurotic avoidance of saying “no” or appearing too “selfish” or “disagreeable” isn’t easy for pleasant people who are natural born people pleasers. BUT your happiness and high energy are worth the investment to avoid wars you cannot win.
Disallow yourself from being stung with the poison of unhappiness that won’t help anyone.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a change management and communications consultant from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” at www.drogrady.com