HOW TO DESTRESS YOURSELF ON THE FLY
If you’re like me, you live your life on the fly. Time is compressed as you climb to the next vista on Success Mountain, tackle the schedules of too-busy kids, and try talk to your partner for a New York minute before you fall asleep, exhausted. So, how do you address the impossible task of staying as relaxed as possible as you make smooth communication moves during your day? Can you ever learn to balance those spinning plates on a stick as you surf the stress wave in front of you? Yes, you can. All you have to do is take time to energize (energy in) and talk to yourself in effective, textual tones.
SURFING STRESS WAVES
Surf’s up! And you can ride that wave of stress without being slapped down or drowning. Yes you can! Let me personally share with you how I stay pretty calm during my day, using strategies and tools from the powerful Talk to Me© effective communication system.
1. START YOUR DAY BY RELAXING. I start my day with one minute of non-performing time. (If I don’t take relaxation stops along the way, I’m a basket case by the end of my day.)
What You Can Do To De-Stress: Give yourself the gift of one minute of non-pressured time before you run off on a grueling marathon. If you don’t do this, little else will work.
Walk That Talk: Get up at the same time each day. Get up when your alarm goes off. No punching the snooze button. Take a couple of minutes in the morning to just sit in a chair and think about what you’re looking forward to accomplishing today.
2. WAKE UP FEARLESS. I try to wake up fearless by centering myself quickly in positive feelings and thoughts.
What You Can Do To De-Stress: Don’t criticize how you look or feel or get obsessive about every body ache and pain. Feel truly glad to be alive — you have another chance to experience and celebrate your life!
Walk That Talk: Feel your feet on the ground. Smell the morning coffee and be thankful that you could afford it. Thank the roof on your house or dwelling for providing you protection during the night. Feel the soothing water of your shower washing away the dirt and grime of difficult times. Pet the dog or cat. Relax. Giving yourself a little time to enjoy your life isn’t going to kill you…and it may do a lot to extend your life!
3. GO EASY. I show a little compassion toward myself when I’m a little put off, scared, or anxious.
What You Can Do To De-Stress: By now, if you’re like me you’ve had about 200 terrible thoughts that the world, as you know it, is ending. The bills are piled up high, waiting to tumble over onto your head; work is going to be a bear; you’re going to have an emotional meltdown; and the traffic congestion is going to kill you. And that’s how I start the day on a relatively neutral day! Funny: Although there’s nothing to worry about, that doesn’t stop me from finding something. To counteract all the negativity in your mind, acknowledge that not everything will go smoothly during the day for you, but that most events will turn out much less tragic than you anticipate. Tell yourself that it’s OK to be cautious or a bit anxious about the unknowns…then deal with them effectively, as you always do!
Walk That Talk: Talk sensitively to yourself. Examples: “Go easy here, Dennis. Your negative mind is going to have a field day with you if you allow it to. It’s no big deal. Your radar won’t pick up or broadcast fear. What are you feeling? Scared, anxious, unsettled, restless, lonely, mad or what? Hey, feelings are just feelings, and they aren’t in the driver’s seat of your life. You’re driving your own communicator car, and you get to choose how you talk to yourself all day long, beginning right now!”
4. DWELL MORE OR LESS. All right, as negative feelings or doubts rush into my mind, I make myself dwell more on what’s working and less on what’s not working. Although it isn’t always easy, it’s simply a matter of shifting the focus of my mind.
What You Can Do To De-Stress: No one can drive you up a wall without your consent! Work with the strengths of your communicator style, and use your communication type to your advantage. True, Empathizer communicators dwell more on what they don’t want, while Instigator communicators dwell more on what they do want, but both types are in control to use their strengths to turn the negatives into positives.
Walk That Talk: Talk insensitively to yourself when you’re stalled out. Example: “That’s enough of dwelling on thoughts that you’re not where the grass is always greenest. The grass is greenest on the side of the fence where you take care of it. Get a grip. This is just the drip…drip…drip of the negative thoughts torture technique. None of these thoughts are real anyway — they’re just your mind expressing itself in some pretty creative ways. Change the station in your mind, NOW, that keeps playing the worry record over and over!” A good stiff self-motivational lecture, to confront unproductive worrying, works wonders.
5. DON’T BLAME PEOPLE OR KNOCK YOURSELF OUT FIXING PROBLEMS. I spin my tires in deep ruts of distrust when I fear loss, and I focus my attention on who’s picking on me or pulling apart the threads in the fabric of my life. But hey, that doesn’t pull me down!
What You Can Do To De-Stress: Tell yourself the truth: since all blame games are lame, the harder you try to control other people, the ‘behinder’ you’ll get in your good relationships.
Walk That Talk: Talk some common sense to yourself so you’ll stay in your lane when you’re stressed out or tired. Example: “Dennis, this isn’t the time to try and solve problems. The purpose of taking a 60 second mental vacation is to relax. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to accomplish anything. John Bradshaw was right: You are a human being, not a human doing machine. Your goal, should you care to pursue it, is to give yourself a little space to breathe…and just BE! Do you think you can handle just letting go of your worldly woes to relax for a minute? Sure you can! Talking to yourself in positive ways works, even when it doesn’t seem so at the time. You know that!”
TAKE A MINUTE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE…TAKE A MINUTE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE…TAKE A MINUTE TO FEEL ALIVE
I recommend taking a 60 second mental break, seven times each day, as you travel down the two-way communication highway. How can you find the time? Take a minute during a meeting to refresh; take a minute to take a deep breath while you’re driving (I know you can do it!); take a minute during a phone call to just listen, kick back, and enjoy. Take a minute to live your life, and enjoy relaxing as you drive along your crowded life highway, in a time crunch.
WALK THAT TALK
I work pretty constant long and intense days, so if I have a minute to spare myself some stress, then I’ll bet you could spare a couple minutes to do the same. Since these tips work for stubborn old me…surely they will work for smart, young you! Just talk a little sense to yourself. The tips I have spelled out for you are easy to use, even for the skeptical soul, but you must use them today to realize immediate results. We’ve got to walk that talk instead of just talk!
ABOUT DAYTON REGION COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis O’Grady is an effective communication keynote speaker and workshop leader, who delivers corporate training which actually improves communication fast, from top to bottom. Dennis is the original developer of the powerful Talk to Me© effective communication system. So you want to be a better communicator? A little deposit of talking sensibly to yourself today will bring huge dividends into your tomorrow. You, too, can experience the benefits of Dr. O’Grady’s communication system personally by knowing your communicator type and sitting in the driver’s seat of your own emotion- and belief-driven life instead of being a passenger. Know thy talk type! Don’t create unnecessary drama in your life because you “can’t” simply relax. Stop stirring the pot of perpetual personal unrest with doom-and-gloom thinking. Connect with deep peace by studying the principles in Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone which is available at www.drogrady.com and Amazon.