While at Cedar Point (voted the world’s best) Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio, I met Aaron from Marion, Ohio. We were standing in line to be enraptured by the Raptor ride, and he was wearing a dark green T-shirt that caught my eye while I people watched to make the hour-long wait fly by. Emblazoned on Aaron’s forest-green T-shirt was stark white lettering that screamed out to the world like the screeching wheels on an old wooden roller coaster: “Stop looking at my shirt!” Hey…I just couldn’t stop looking at that T-shirt and that husky, friendly-looking guy with a buzz cut! So I just had to say SOME-THING (even though in wait lines you are supposed to act like everyone’s invisible and there’s nobody else in line with you).
DO YOU TALK TO PEOPLE AROUND YOU THAT YOU DON’T KNOW TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW?
An effective leader is someone who is able to talk to anybody, at any time, especially when times are tense. Are you the leader of your own life, someone who reaches out to talk to “strangers” every day? Or do you politely ignore the “invisible others” who are standing all around you and respect their “invisible psychological silent space” too much? That’s too bad! Why not strike up a conversation with the “stranger” near you just to get to know them a little better? Geez…why treat strangers, well, like they’re strange? Oh, I know that old stupid rule: “Don’t talk to strangers!” Well, who is the leader of your life?
STOP LOOKING AT MY SHIRT AND TALK TO ME
As a management consultant, I recommend thinking of yourself as a leader who is in charge of your own life. And being an executive coach and leadership training expert, I simply had to ignore the rule to ask Aaron about his shirt, and he told me that he had just got it that day and everyone seemed to be looking at him. I wonder why! He seemed a little skeptical when I entered his talk space…but he was a nice guy. What Aaron didn’t know about me but wasn’t too afraid to ask was:
- I hate being bored…and standing in long, snaking lines to risk my life for a two minute teeth-rattling rocket ride is boring.
- Since I am the leader of my life, I like to use the act of communication to entertain and educate myself.
- One of my personal goals for the past decade is to feel less afraid…and to feel more confident.
- I define confidence as being willing to TALK TO people instead of TALK AT people.
- All people are interesting, VERY interesting, if you give them an opportunity to ride alongside you in the vehicle of talk.
- I’ve found people I don’t know are pretty friendly once they know that although I may be a stranger…I’m not strange
- There are no strangers, just people waiting to become friends with you and me.
- Do you feel confident to….TO TALK TO PEOPLE you don’t know very well…or don’t know at all?
- I don’t feel so alone when I learn something new about a “stranger” or “fellow traveler” on the road of life.
- I talk to strangers to keep the saw of my communication edge sharpened with Stephen Covey in mind.
- I attempt to talk to myself in positive ways when I’m inpatient, irritated, tired, bored, etc.
- I want to be a role model of good communication for my kids…and too often I fail to live up to being an open, flexible and positive person…but I’m not giving up.
ARE YOU PRACTICING FEARLESSNESS AT AMUSEMENT PARKS?
Psychologically, the point of amusement parks is to practice fearlessness…to stay in the present and avoid worrying about future catastrophes that rarely happen. That’s also why we prefer fearless leaders who can keep their cool and muster bravery during stress-filled and indecisive times. On the other hand, most people love being scared out of their wits in a safe and controlled way. Otherwise, why wait in long lines for two hours to take a two minute ride? Well, look at the faces of the riders just finishing the rides—people are laughing, bowing and wowing and clapping and looking glad to still be alive.
HOW TO PRACTICE FEARLESSNESS IN HUMAN RELATIONS
Do you push forward on your positive goals, and make new friends and alliances, especially when you feel like quitting? Amusement parks teach you and me HOW TO BE FEARLESS and TO…
1. STOP JUDGING YOURSELF AS ‘DIFFERENT’: Most people want to fit into a group that accepts them in this zany life AND stand out simultaneously. Take a look at how members of small groups dress alike, talk in code and act alike.
2. STOP DISHING ‘IT’ OUT: Developing fearlessness is what riding on these rides is all about. Eyes dance and tell stories of longing, laughter, pain and boredom.
3. STOP WORRYING: Worrying about how bad a ride is…is worse than the actual ride.
4. STOP HOLDING YOURSELF BACK: Fearing doing something new, such as going upside down on a ride, restricts you and holds you back from improving your confidence.
5. STOP WORSHIPPING WHAT IS “NORMAL”: Doing what is “safe” or riding the same ride over and over again is “seductively suffocating.”
6. STOP TRYING SO HARD TO FIT IN: Humans are more alike than different…and thirst for meaning and experiencing…so talk to people who are living in their own “safe little groups.”
7. STOP UPSETTING YOURSELF: When you imagine a negative future…such as getting stuck at the top of the ride or falling out of your harness…your fear level escalates uncontrollably.
8. STOP NEEDING GUARANTEES: Uncertainty scares us so we avoid it unless we can control it…paying for controlled fear at amusement parks amuses us, arouses us, and comforts us that bad things don’t happen to good people like you and me.
9. STOP DEFENDING YOUR FEELINGS: Everyone deals with fear differently…some act cool, some funny, some freeze, some distract…check it out while you’re watching the riders ahead of you buckle up. I wish I hadn’t been sharp with one attendant when I was SO tired.
10. STOP SHYING AWAY: People will talk to you, perhaps skeptically at first, if you first talk to them and smile BIG.
GIVE UP ON GIVING UP
Another favorite T-shirt sported by a terrific teen: “I’m not blaming you…I’m just saying it wasn’t my fault!” Does anyone in his or her right mind stand in line for close to two hours for a two-minute ride? Yet, there I stood in the twisting lines to ride Top Thrill Dragster, Raptor and Millenium Force with one male and one female teen, one female “tweener” and one kid. Why go out of my way to scare myself…and pay big bucks for it? After all, going to work everyday and trying to survive and thrive is enough fear for me to stomach!
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME AND MY SHIRT AND MY VULNERABILITY?
Before I went on the night ride called NightHawk with my eight-year-old daughter Kasey…who expressed a worry that she would fall out of this huge “swinging boat” and fall to the cement slab below and die. Kasey told me, “Daddy, if I die on this ride I just want you to know how much I love you…and I hope you feel the same way about me. Are we going to die?” I chose to muster a fearless reply: “Today isn’t the day we’ll die! It’s the day we ride on!” And the starry night proved me right, thank goodness.
TO AARON FROM MARION
To Aaron from Marion…and to Max who was up to 1,800 rides (ugh!) riding Magnum XL to try and break the “season ride record”…and to the pretty lady in the fuchsia John Deere T-shirt who loves going to tractor pulls…and to the teenager who was wearing a footlong hotdog velvet hat replete with mustard on the dog that made me chuckle…and to all the kissing couples who are a reminder to us married folk to keep the flame alive–RIDE ON!
Fearlessness is what riding on these rides, and the ride of life, is all about.
ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is an executive coach and leadership training communications consultant and psychologist who used peak communication skills when he and his family were at Cedar Point Amusement Park recently–voted the world’s best amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio. To manage negative emotions, and to talk positively to himself, Dr. O’Grady read T-shirts and did personality analyses and did some seriously funny “people watching” while standing in long, snaking lines for hours to go on the killer-thriller rides of Top Thrill Dragster, Raptor, Millenium Force, Wicked Twister, Mantis, Magnum XL, Power Tower and SkyHawk. Please note that Cedar Point boasts having the most roller coasters in the U.S.A. Also note that Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of a positive communication handbook to help you and yours talk to anyone called “TALK TO ME.” If you aren’t using the E-type and I-type talk code and the four communicator modes to talk positively to yourself and others…then you are missing out on the best ride of them all called, “Effective Communication Strategies that Work with Anyone at Anytime If Anything Will.”