Anger is at work in the workplace and is a silent deadly force that restricts innovation and motivation. Employers hire consultants to provide “brain food” such as time management, conflict resolution, building teamwork and strategic planning (just to mention a few) but they shy away from dealing with the “emotional undertow” of everyday frustrations.
I worry about “anger imploders” more than I fret about “anger exploders.” Anger imploders “stuff” their frustrations until they spill over, causing a shut down, stupid action or knee-jerk reaction. Anger exploders “get IT off their chest,” sending everyone scurrying to a safe place to avoid the wrath of the “venter.” What a sneaky way to get your way! Neither strategy – passively swallowing anger until a worker reaches a breaking point, or throwing anger around aggressively – works very well if you are profit-driven. In fact, negative or “crusty anger” is the opposite of enjoying the challenges of one’s life work.
Not too long ago I led a workshop for front-line managers called “Tuning Your Talent” at Hohman Plating. We covered common guerilla talk tactics that undermine confidence by cutting a team member off at the knees with “payback put downs.” I’ve catalogued some of the indirect communication anger ploys misused in the workplace (and at home) today.
These are some of the common tactics to avoid dialoguing about a problem, or having the courage to use healthy disagreement, to brainstorm and then solve problems. These “mind games” shut down the creative and innovative capacities of our work force and are a force to be reckoned with when budgets are tight.
- The cold shoulder. For example, ignoring the existence of a person by not saying “hello” in the morning.
- Cutting in or talking over another person. For example, interrupting the thought flow of another person to shoot down their line of reasoning via debating.
- Using a loud, and louder voice tone. For example, loudly and forcefully making a point in an intimidating fashion to hush up the speaker.
- Smart-alec wise-cracking. For example, using a cynical or pessimistic tone to scoff at the importance of the new idea or the person who is taking a risk by contributing a new idea.
- Looking away vacantly. For example, non-verbal cues to “shut up” such as looking around the room, staring off into space or fixating on a computer screen or TV, picking at one’s fingernails, agitatedly tapping a pen or pacing.
- Debating the facts. For example, saying, “Where are you coming up with this stuff from?” or “What research have you done that proves this?” type of shooting down brainstorming that seeks to take flight.
- Discounting or venting. For example, “That’s a ridiculous idea!” or “We’ve tried that before, you must remember, and it didn’t work out then so what makes you think it will work now?!”
- Idiotizing. For example, implying that someone is out of the loop, dense, dumb or stupid by saying, “What on earth makes you think THAT!?”
- Making it personal. For example, personal attacks such as “Why are you taking this so personally…it’s ONLY business!”
- The sensitivity offense. For example, teasing a co-worker about being “too serious” or “too sensitive” or “so naive” to the realities of business that the dinger is privy to.
- “The past is over…get over it” defense. For example, saying “Why can’t you just move on and forget about it? It’s over!”
- “I’ll have to get back to you” put offs. For example, saying “I’ll get around to it soon and get back to you” which, of course, never happens leaving the other party feeling dismissed, rejected or fussing and fuming.
My point is that all of these “common” talk tactics are ways that anger is slung around the workplace like mud in a wrestling pit. Plus, these “passive aggressive” ways to manage anger are akin to littering the work floor with marbles that make everyone slip up and fall and feel useless as an old computer.
I’m not naive. I know psychologists promote an “ideal” of anger that hasn’t been taught in grade school, families, or high school. As a result, today’s school yards and classrooms are places of “angry bullying.” Female bullies “get even” by stepping on toes and slashing at the good character of female students. Male bullies “get even” by “getting in your face” and striking down the best talents of a student via ridiculing, even violence. Shyness can result.
Anger is a silent force in the workplace that undercuts getting any job done well, and having the guts to innovate when change is needed right now is needed to stay competitive. Perhaps your employer will “look the other way” when it comes to “maladaptive anger,” but you can’t afford to. Your peace of mind and ethical side are at stake.