There are two new types of communicators in town, and knowing your type and who you’re talking to by type, will speed your travels down the two-way communication highway. The first order of communication business then, is to know and appreciate your own “natural” communicator type. Thus, even when you take an unintended detour, you will be able to enjoy the scenery and not feel frustrated by putting your foot in your mouth. You and I are either an Empathizer communicator (E-type) or an Instigator communicator (I-type). Which one are you? And no, you can’t be both!
ARE YOU AN EMPATHIZER (E-TYPE) COMMUNICATOR OR AN INSTIGATOR (I-TYPE) COMMUNICATOR?
By downloading and skimming chapter 1 of my book TALK TO ME, you will know what your communicator type is, and why adopting the strengths of your opposing communicator type is SO crucial to effective communication, professional leadership development training and relationship stress management at work and in your personal relationships.
Skim the following “big picture” set of opposing communicator traits to get a quick “feel” or “mindset” for the two types of players on this talk planet named EMPATHIZERS AND INSTIGATORS:
1. Empathizer (E-type) communicators: E-types experience the self as interpersonally sensitive
Instigator (I-type) communicators: I-types experience the self as interpersonally insensitive2. Empathizers: E-types drive from their strength of empathy
Instigators: I-types drive from their strength of genuineness3. Empathizers: Failure and rejection stings E-types…
they have difficulty getting beyond the past
Instigators: Failure and rejection rolls off the back of I-types…
they forget the past and move on4. Empathizers: When stressed, E-types feel negative and then unexpectedly “act out” in negative behaviors
Instigators: When stressed, I-types think negative and then unexpectedly “talk out” in negative words5. Empathizers: E-types ding their opposite communicator type (I-types) for being too stubborn and hard-headed
Instigators: I-types ding their opposite communicator type (E-types) for being too soft and wishy-washy6. Empathizers: E-types listen inclusively with “three” ears, including what’s said non-verbally between the lines of unspoken talk
Instigators: I-types listen selectively with “one” ear with a goal to catch only the top headlines in the Daily Talk news7. Empathizers: E-types’ Achilles Heel: Can become lost in the fog of feeling down, sad and blue
Instigators: I-types’ Achilles Heel: Can become lost in the fog of impatience, irritation, and anger
8. Empathizers: E-types are relationship experts who are natural-born “people fixers”
Instigators: I-types are strategic experts who are natural-born “problem fixers”9. Empathizers: E-types struggle with low self-esteem or the glass-is-half-empty negativism
Instigators: I-types suffer from excessive self-esteem or the glass-is-half-full thinking that optimizes the negative10. Empathizers: E-types “feel deeply” about relationship impacts in order to make life changes
Instigators: I-types “think deeply” about career impacts in order to make life changes11. Empathizers: E-types’ feelings get hurt too easily-too thin-skinned-take things too personally
Instigators: I-types’ feelings don’t get hurt easily enough-too thick-skinned-don’t take things personally enough12. Empathizers: E-types regret thinking too much before speaking and biting holes in their tongues
Instigators: I-types regret speaking too much before thinking and not biting enough holes in their tongue13. Empathizers: E-types are prone to pleasing too much or telling you what you want to hear, and then holding grudges
Instigators: I-types are prone to displeasing too much or telling you what you don’t want to hear, and then withholding compliments14. Empathizers: E-types under severe relationship distress negatively believe: “It’s always your way or the highway!”
Instigators: I-types under severe relationship distress negatively feel: “You’re right. It IS my way or the highway!”15. Empathizers: An E-types’ secret wish is to be more assertive and speak more bluntly without beating around the bush
Instigators: An I-types’ secret wish is to be less aggressive and speak more diplomatically without beating a dead horse16. Empathizers: E-types are natural-born team players with strong intuitive skills to use in the game of life
Instigators: I-types are natural-born leaders with strong personality types to use in the game of life
ARE THE TALK TYPES EVENLY DISTRIBUTED?
How many of each talk type are there running around? Statistically, 40% of all people are Empathizer communicators (E-types) while 60% of all people are Instigator communicators (I-types).
ADOPTING THE STRENGTHS OF YOUR OPPOSING COMMUNICATOR TYPE WHILE AVOIDING YOUR OWN ACHILLES HEEL
Empathizers and Instigators alike become far more effective by focusing on their own communicator strengths while adopting the strengths of their corresponding communicator type and at the same time avoiding their own Achilles Heel. Example: E-types are more productive problem-solvers when they become “insensitive” and don’t worry so much about what other people will think or say. In contrast, I-types are more flexible when they use “sensitive” people skills and think more about others’ feelings.
Example of an Achilles Heels: When E-types fail to “surf the stress wave” they will mess with your emotions and make you feel kicked in the gut. When I-types fall off their surf board while riding large waves of stress, they will mess with your mind and make your head spin. Neither style of communicating is better or worse…just different.
ARE YOU DRIVING ON A TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY?
Don’t worry if all traits don’t fit you exactly, since one size shoe doesn’t fit all communicators. Just get a feel for the talk pattern for each type. Then identify who you are talking to by type to triple the power of your talk tools! In short, knowing your own communicator type makes two-way positive communication travel on the relationship highway more sane, predictable and enjoyable.