Believe IT: Although your stress level may be very high, you will be able to cut that amount of personal strain in half, when you use the positive inner talk tools I feature in my book TALK TO ME. I’m not naïve. I realize many of you talk a good game of change, but when it comes right down to actually changing, you love to suffer and get yourself all riled up and running around like Chicken Little shrilling: “The sky is falling…my wave is crashing…I’m sunk and there’s nothing that I can do about it…I’m the victim here…Didn’t you hear me: I’m the victim here!”
10 POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY TIPS OF SELF-LEADERSHIP
In my executive coaching meetings and leadership training seminars, I’ve found the following “10 Positive Psychology Tips of Self-Leadership” to be a really huge help IF you use them four minutes a day to remain calm when everyone around you is losing their heads or stressing out.
1. RISE TO THE PLAN. When you rise in the morning, calmly review in your mind what might be the top 3 “simple tasks” to get done today that might make a huge difference in feeling good about “getting the right things done in the right time frame.”
2. KEEP IT SIMPLE. Right when you get to work, be kid-like and scribble or jot the top tasks down in good old black-and-white ink on a Plan-It Note, so you can physically experience the thrill of crossing off the “DO(NE)” item in glee as you step through your day.
3. BE THE LEADER OF YOUR LIFE. You don’t really do this enough…take hold of your mind and set boundaries with your time and energy. You (and I) can get swept up in the “drama” of it all and fail to follow your own leadership directives. You’ll wear out before your time if you allow psychodramas that permit others to take you “off-course” with their “breathless urgencies and emergencies.”
4. ENCOURAGE YOURSELF DURING DISCOURAGING MOMENTS. How you respond to your “frantic self” is extremely important, and you can do so in a calm, compassionate, nurturing, “care-frontational” soothing tone of voice with practice. Example: “Hey, let’s go easy here, partner.” Or, “Things are bad enough, my friend …what good will be done by working yourself up into a frenzy…easy!?”
5. ACT GOOD WHEN YOU FEEL BAD. Tough to do, I know. But your emotions are not the master or leader of your actions, are they? YOU are the leader of your life and I’m dead serious about that fact, my fellow surfer! If calming self-talk doesn’t seem to calm the troubled waters…keep speaking reassuringly to yourself…because it sure can’t hurt and it sure beats the alternative!
6. RIDE OUT THE STRESS WAVE. Intense, stress-filled feelings rise and then crash on your self-esteem during your work day when you least expect them to; often, you feel as if you have no control over these wave-like feelings. But you do! Ride the stress wave on the sturdy surfboard of your daily goals and yearly passionate mission to stay sane.
7. RE-FOCUS ON THE FLY. The mind easily diverts itself from the directions you’ve given it. No one’s to blame. By being 1 degree off-course, though, you will eventually crash-land in a no-accomplishment zone of thorny aggravation.
8. TAKE A FOUR-MINUTE MENTAL VACATION. To refresh your energy, take an inspiring book, or bookmark a motivating Web page, and then slowly absorb a positive message of the day and use it or lose it!
9. USE INNER-PERSONAL TALK TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Using positive self-talk REALLY works if you DO IT. Treat yourself as you expect others to treat you. Example: “I will do for myself what others don’t or won’t do for me to be stress-free.” Chapter 5 in my book “Talk to Me” focuses exclusively on the art and science of positive self-talk.
10. JOKE WITH PEOPLE ON THE PHONE/NET. When I’m asked “So, how’s it goin’, Dennis?” I sometimes teasingly reply, “I’m awful.” Usually I receive a sympathetic response: “I’m sorry to hear that…sorry about your luck!” Then I add with a wry smile: “I’m AWE-FULLY good!” Since Empathizer communicators (E-types) are naturally simpatico, it’s also a fun way to find out the communicator type of whom I’m talking to…and make everyone laugh.
GO WITH THE FLOW… STRESS LEVELS ARE FLUID NOT SET IN CONCRETE
By using my powerful new inner-personal communication tools, you can ride the wave of stress instead of being whacked down by IT, even when you exist in the madcap world of work, the pressure cooker called home and the squeezing vice called raising O.K. kids. The psychological secret or key to de-stressing? RIDE the stress wave…be responsive instead of reacting blindly and anxiously to stress…and always, ALL-WAYS remember that you alone are the leader of your life. Or, you can have it your way and keep getting part-drowned and come up sputtering in the frothing whirlpools of stress at work.
TAKE AWAY HALF OF YOUR STRESS TODAY—BE THE LEADER OF YOUR LIFE
So, let’s not run around like chickens with our heads cut off screaming bloody murder. Or if you do…have some fun, because I’m not buying that you’re the victim here– ‘cause “I’m the victim here!” SO to be (or not to be) the psychological leader of your life, you need to experience being fearless during fearful times, many of which are self-created.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides executive coaching and professional development training in Ohio and surrounding states. Dennis is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone” which is a leadership training workbook and is available in the resource store at his Web site www.drogrady.com. Dr. O’Grady leads workshops, and provides leadership executive coaching and business consulting, about two new communicator types called Empathizers and Instigators. One example of a talk difference between the two is that an Empathizer-type communicator is at his or her best when relationship waters are calm, while an Instigator-type communicator is at her or his best when a crisis is burning or brewing. Knowing who you’re talking to in the workplace by communicator type and temperament, makes all the difference in the “mood” in your workplace and the “effectiveness” of your management team.