What do the alphabet letters in this talk soup spell out to you: “I’m working on it.” “I know I could do better IF ONLY I tried harder.” “I should change but I can’t seem to find the motivation.” “It’s truly a huge problem but I don’t know what I SHOULD do about it.”
Aren’t all of those one-liners polite ways to say: “I know how to talk a good game of change BUT I’m not committed to the change process?!”
A “master logician” is someone who says pretty things such as, “I know I’ve got to do better!”…but keeps on doing the same old tired things that drive you insane. A master logician gives you a charismatic, likable grin, plus an: “Gosh, aw shucks…why I’m doing the best I CAN do…so PLEASE don’t blame me!” Master logicians are masters of the lingo of logic…saluting virtues, using unbeatable rhetoric, crafting fancy crafty words filled with magical innuendo that are guaranteed to take away all your anxieties. For example, “You know, nowadays, everyone knows women DO have equal opportunities.” Nice sentiments…sometimes true.
This is what one “master logician” whom I trust immensely, and who also is an Instigator-type communicator, told me about this “master logician” talk trap can ensnare caring people.
Just because I say something, doesn’t mean I will do something. I often say, for example, “I’ve got to do better!” or “I’m working on IT!” So what is that supposed to mean? I haven’t promised any action, whatsoever. If the listener fills in the blank and presumes or assumes I mean action…that’s their assumptions making an ass out of them, not me. It’s not MY fault! I am simply OBSERVING…making logical observations…I’m just saying what I see can be true.
It’s one thing to be truthful, it’s another thing to be totally or brutally honest. I don’t want to hurt a partner’s or coworker’s feelings. For example, I’m not lying when I tell others that I should change because I’m not saying I will do what it takes to change. Words without action shouldn’t shock others…I’m simply telling people what they want to hear.
Is it my fault that when I say something, you fill in the blanks by assuming I will do the something I say? Like I said, I’m not the person I ought to be. However, I think it’s worse when people do something shocking, like ending a relationship, without telling you about it first. Well, I can’t control what other people do or think. I just need to do better for ME!
Therefore, my dear fellow co-communicator reader, DON’T ASS/U/ME that words and actions are the same just because a few sweet nothings or mood altering words are whispered in your ear, words that can make you do what doesn’t make sense because you feel good. I’d rather feel emotionally overwhelmed than be logically tricked and made to feel the fool.
SO…always remind yourself on the fly that nice words can brainwash you or beguile you into believing that something is good or that something good is about to happen…but in reality, it will never come true in the world you and I are required to work and live in.
A talk test: When you say something…are you fully prepared TO DO THE SOMETHING YOU SAY? Better yet, are you doing IT (change) today? And if not, aren’t you allowing others (or yourself) to infer or imply that you are going to do something you have no intention of pursuing?
You don’t need to DO better…just BE yourself by openly sharing THE (vs. your) truth.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady hails from Dayton, Ohio, and delivers coaching and workshops on Change Management, Communication Skills and Anger Management. Dennis is the author of TALK TO ME that explains how two communicator types are worlds apart…but don’t have to be.