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A Positive Mental Attitude Leads Downhill To A Negative Attitude?

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Question from Tom B. for this doctor psychologist: “When I try to use a positive mental attitude and get a lack of results for my efforts, it leads to a negative mental attitude. For example, if you tell a skier to think positively and don’t fear falling, and the skier then breaks a leg in an accident on the mountain, what then? Do you really think the hurt person can keep using the power of a positive attitude? Or if you pray for a person, and then they die…how does the pray-er then view prayer itself? If results are not there, people will blame anyone outside of themselves to ease the pain. When negative words work, we will use them, because we’re only human. You have some of the best stuff on the net, I can tell you are a pro. So what do you think? I read tons of BS and really enjoy your articles!”

WHY USE A GOOD COMMUNICATION STYLE…AND TALK POSITIVELY IF IT DOESN’T WORK?

Why NOT use a positive communication style? Harder, yes; impossibly silly or ridiculous, NO. Tom B., who wrote the above challenging question, read your mind my dear reader, didn’t he? Sure, a positive attitude won’t kill ya’…but what good does it really ever do when the chips are down and your mood has been flipped around? Much less break a leg when you’re tryin’ to step out? Come on all you positive typesters: Isn’t it skill more than luck, thick skin better than sensitive feelings, who you know more than how you demonstrate who you are? What about results…results…results for gosh sakes!

SHOWING YOU CARE FOR YOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU THINK IT’S STUPID TO USE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IF YOU MIGHT BREAK A LEG

So why use a positive communication style with your inner self…much less anyone else?

1. PMA, or positive mental attitude, is a term I first came to know about through the writings and teachings of Napolean Hill, who is the author of, “Think and Grow Rich.”

2. PMA is a faith-filled attempt to exert some positive mental control over bad tidings and errant emotions that drag you down and keep you there.

3. The primary purpose of a positive attitude is to restore faith when all hope has been lost.

4. The ultimate test of a positive attitude is to act kindly, compassionately and hope-filled when there is no logical reason whatsoever to do so. You act on “what if things could get better” faith.

5. Bad things happen to good people whether or not a positive attitude is being used.

6. A positive attitude isn’t some kind of insurance policy that keeps painful life happenings from happening to you and yours.

7. When bad things happen, what good does it do to adopt a negative attitude in order to wall the self off from feeling hurt? You are already feeling hurt, the question is how you are going to be in your life with hurt.

8. In my experience, positive people are better able to be “response-able” and effectively handle emotions that are both shiny like gold and dreary like rust…and let go of trying to control others, including God.

9. Emotions are dualities or opposites. Thus, even happiness can be negative or sorrow can be positive…what a mind-bender and life-changer. Thinking realistically and accurately is the best thinking of all?

10. All emotions are a two-sided coin. We can’t just have the positive or “sunny” side of emotions without the “darker” or “flip side” of emotions. Positive people are courageous because they feel whatever they do without throwing their emotions around for others to work through.

11. True love and compassion comes from navigating tricky emotions without harm coming to anyone in a “we all win or none of us wins” fashion.

12. “Stuffing feelings” is a form of “inversion” that keeps your personal power stuck inside of you to rot away. You must not be intimidated to speak out expressing who you are!

13. Being friends with yourself means you behave in constructive ways when your feelings are encouraging you to fight unfairly or pursue some other self-defeating or destructive behavior.

14. You can’t find happiness, much less “have” happiness on a daily basis, unless you are first fast, best friends with yourself.

15. Friendliness, self-caring, taking care of yourself, compassion in relationships means you must be on pretty-friendly terms with your emotions.

Well, Tom, I have more to say but I’ve got a client who just came in for an appointment.

ABOUT KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND COMMUNICATIONS EXPERT AND PSYCHOLOGIST DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the father of three daughters and husband, all of whom hail from Dayton, Ohio, USA. O’Grady is a keynote speaker, business consultant and the author of the new positive and effective communication system to put into today what you are going to put off tomorrow. Dr. O’Grady’s relationship and mood management approach is called “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone.” Dennis’ book is available at this site and at Amazon.

11 Comments »

  1. All emotions are a two-sided coin. We can’t just have the positive or “sunny” side of emotions without the “darker” or “flip side” of emotions. Positive people are courageous because they feel whatever they do without throwing their emotions around for others to work through.

    If “emotions communicate” then are you communicating effectively and learning something new from every frustration to put to good use?

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — January 22, 2007 @ 6:59 am

  2. Hi Dr. O’Grady,

    I really did enjoy your seminar, it really put things in a new light for me. Everything is going well, and I hope all is well with you, too. It was nice to see you speak, and learn about positive and effective communication skills. Thanks, Dawn

    Comment by Dawn — January 22, 2007 @ 11:23 am

  3. People using a positive attitude are involved in healthy activities such as exercising, dancing, singing…even if you can’t, meditating on scriptures/affirmations and spiritually growing. They’re people who are ambitious, serious & fun, positive, mentally mature, lovers of life who live for the present and have moved on from the past, are great motivators to look beyond your current circumstance, leave the PAST (it is already gone) behind and work on the present: The BEAUTIFUL you that is emerging! 

    When I get to a place where all the negativity and cynicism are out of my system, as a preventative method I will chose to review the lessons from past mistakes because as Maya Angelou said: “I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back.”

    V.

    Comment by V. — January 22, 2007 @ 11:57 am

  4. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

    Mark Twain

    Comment by Mark Twain — January 22, 2007 @ 2:01 pm

  5. “I’m finally gonna ____ one of these days!” is the negative thing I dialogue with to myself that drives me up a wall. I’m using your “Put into today, what you may put off tomorrow!” to stop procrastinating.

    Comment by Renee — January 22, 2007 @ 5:01 pm

  6. You’re the great communicator. I don’t get the art of undermining and backstabbing. It’s for no other reason than to make you look bad. How do you handle that kind of twisted negativity? I get into a slump when people dislike me, and can’t seem to shake it off.

    Comment by Thomas — January 22, 2007 @ 5:03 pm

  7. Hi Dennis,

    Thank you for your email and as always for your insightful and encouraging words. When I think of the people who have had the most positive influence on my life, you are among a small and highly valued group. A group that I regard with deep respect and appreciation. I thank you for the measurable and immeasurable positive ways you have helped me to grow. I know I am a healthier, wiser and more peaceful human being because of working with you. And the positive ripple effect this has had on those I come in contact, especially my family, means the world to me.

    Comment by Christina — January 22, 2007 @ 7:36 pm

  8. It’s an energy thing: Negative people drain you. Also, they drain energy away from getting things done. Lazy people create more work for other people. Thus, you feel like you’re slogging through the knee-deep mud of a relationship quagmire. For example, when you are more worried about an issue than your partner is, your energy is being controlled, and the solution is to “be in your own life” and to get some things done for YOU.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — January 23, 2007 @ 9:48 am

  9. When you don’t accept the “psychoexcuses” of someone who is promising you the moon but delivering dirt, you will feel that your wheels are spinning, instead of getting things done in a positive fashion or direction.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — January 23, 2007 @ 9:57 am

  10. Dr. O’Grady,
    Thank you for helping Curt and I grow through a difficult time. We are reading your book Talk To Me and learning more about communication. We have worked hard and are feeling some of the rewards of that hard work. Also, I finished my book. Thank you for all your help and support and availablity. I look forward to seeing you soon because good things happen when you TALK TO ME!

    Check out my website!
    http://www.atimetosleep.com

    my book is available on amazon, barnes & noble, and http://www.xlibris.com

    Comment by Tammy — February 7, 2007 @ 11:36 am

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