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What Makes A Person So Difficult To Get Along With?

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What makes a difficult person so hard to talk to and get along with?

Is it something about you that makes the communication process so difficult, something you are doing too much of, or something you are doing too little of? Are you somehow not good enough, because the difficult person is constantly dissatisfied with you and harping on your supposed shortcomings? Seems we’ve all been blistered, hurt and burnt by a difficult person who wields a torch of anger to light up our life.

OPEN VS. CLOSED COMMUNICATION: I BLOW MY TOP … I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT

Lashing out at others angrily or keeping your mouth shut (and thus turning your frustrations on yourself) aren’t what a positive mental attitude is all about. Positive energy is what a positive attitude is all about! At a recent Dayton Psychological Association meeting, one psychologist said: “I’ve heard it all about the positive attitude thing, but you can have a positive attitude and still sit on your laurels, and not get anything worthwhile done.” Well, that’s not true. You CAN like yourself and get things done when your attitude is open or closed … and your energy is flowing or blocked, independent of the attitude you keep. The choice is up to you, isn’t it?

NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLL RESULTS

So I decided to ask our readers if difficult people are coming out of the woodwork, and what in particular do difficult people share in common? “What makes people so difficult to get along with at work or home?” was the question…and these are the results:

1. BAD ATTITUDE…….46.34%

2. NEVER WRONG…….17.07%

3. USES EXCUSES & SMOKESCREENS…..17.07%

4. DOESN’T LISTEN………14.63%

5. INCOMPETENT………2.44%

6. ACTS CHILDISH…….2.44%

In short, a bad attitude is protecting self-pride at the expense of the pleasures of communicating.

TOWARDS DEFINING A BAD ATTITUDE

What makes up a bad attitude? In my way of thinking, a bad attitude is characterized by talking negatively to self and others…by never being in the wrong…by using excuses and smokescreens to avoid changing…by the habitual ways you bring a relationship to its knees with negatalking.

WHY DOES A CRUMMY ATTITUDE MAKE A CRAPPY COMMUNICATOR?

A person with a bad attitude isn’t aware that his/her bad attitude is the stink in the room that makes everyone’s nose regret being good at smelling. Some key symptoms of a bad attitude:

  • Self-worth is low
  • Nothing good is ever going to come of anything new
  • People are just out for themselves and don’t really care for others
  • Communication is fuzzy, indirect, blaming, scheming, distorted, not really honest or open
  • Inflexible and rigid in thinking
  • Problems aren’t solved and change isn’t embraced freely
  • Pleasure and enjoying life are suspect since hard work is Heavenly
  • Power plays and passive-aggressive paybacks are common to force one’s agenda on another person against his or her will
  • Compulsively doing things as they’ve always been done, even when relationships are destroyed in the process
  • A superiority-inferiority complex
  • Doesn’t listen with two ears
  • Dehumanizing a talk partner, debunking the spirit
  • Playing the elaborate smoke-and-mirrors mind (blame) games

THERE’S NO EXPIRATION DATE ON VICTIM TALK

There’s no expiration date on victim talk or victim thinking. Sadly, a person with a bad attitude creates many of the very losses he or she so sorrowfully suffers, and then complains about “IT HAPPENS” to get your sympathy.

WHY NO ONE HAS EVER DIED OF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

The negative attitude: “I’m always right because you’re the mistake who’s always in the wrong!” crucifies good (effective, productive, change-producing) talk. As it should be, the choice of your attitude is up to you. You will hear that positive attitude is related to better health, success at work, relationship survival. Many relationships have died as a result of a negative attitude…many unnecessary funerals and losses have been attended. Life is a two-sided coin; difficult and delicious.

LIFE IS DIFFICULT

I often remark on the opening line from M. Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Traveled.” He said stunningly to open this best seller, simply: “Life is difficult.” Dr. Peck also was very open about how he wrestled with depression, and his self-esteem thrown to the mat in spite of his culture-changing books.

MAY YOUR SORROWS BE SMALL

When you refuse to change instead preferring to be difficult, you put positive people in a box. Every box is belittling to your soul…it seeks to make you “less than” you naturally are. And you are more than your gender, age, communicator type. But perhaps the really “poor people” in our world are those among us (including you and me) who suffer from a poverty-stricken attitude. Safer perhaps; but unnecessarily sorrow-filled.

ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dr. Dennis O’Grady stands for open and honest communication, growing and changing against the odds, learning something new every day, getting better at what you’re passionate about, making your life focus on giving instead of getting more for doing and being less. Dennis stands for being yourself in a world that seems to be doing everything in its power to turn you into a cardboard cut out. He is the author of “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” and is a conference keynote speaker on effective communication, dealing with depression and change management. Since you and your spirit can’t be contained or pigeonholed, give life everything you’ve got…use all your talents without embarrassment or shame…treat people decently…move through the world with your head up…get the important things done first…let your soul be larger than the universe.

PREVIOUS RESULTS OF NEW INSIGHTS COMMUNICATION POLLS

Other New Insights Communication polls:  Personality Clashes or Communication Crashes? …  “What’s The Toughest Emotion You Wrestle With?”“Are You An Optimistic Driver On The Two-Way Communication Highway?”“The Elephant Stampede”“What Makes A Good Leader Great?” “Does Your Attitude Work To Make You A Better Leader?”“What’s Up With Your Confidence Level?”“When You Argue, Are You Always Right?” … “Are You Shy or Stuck Up?”… “How Do You Handle Anger?”…“Are Men or Women Better Communicators?” “How Easily Are You Frustrated?”

2 Comments »

  1. May your sorrows be small! Since you and your spirit can’t be contained or pigeonholed, give life everything you’ve got…use all your talents without embarrassment or shame…treat people decently…move through the world with your head up…get the important things done first…let your soul be larger than the universe.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — November 30, 2006 @ 8:09 am

  2. As an Empathizer, I speak positively to other people but I don’t talk positively to myself about me. That’s a big difference. After reading TTM, I realized I think logically…I just don’t feel logically. Now I want to stand by something regardless of what others think. As an E-type, I will disagree in my head but not say anything out loud for fear of causing a conflict.

    Comment by Jenny — January 23, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

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