Forgive yourself. You have been ignorant of those invisible concrete highway barriers that block good communication and send your communicator car spinning out of control into a ditch. Call the TALK2ME© tow truck! Empathizers and Instigators hold standard talk prejudices against their opposite type that are rarely consciously aired or examined. Have you attended a confident communicator driver’s education class? Which grudges do you hold against your opposite communicator type, half of whom are men and half of whom are women?
• Overly confident/cocky (Sometimes, too cocky)
• They don’t listen
• Too blunt
• Too direct; right in your face; they don’t beat around the bush; they don’t care
• Quick to judge
• Rush to judgment; act and react impulsively
• If you are not going to improve, you are not for us. I’s would just throw you off the bus
• Speak their mind before they think; no filtering
• Their way or no way; no compromise; don’t want to reason with you; really hard to bridge the gap; close-minded: My mind is made up, this is the way it has always been done; because I said so.
• Arrogant: My way’s the right way – if you don’t like it, whatever. This is the way it is going to be. If you think you have a better solution, go do it yourself
• Controlling: I’s think they are in control. They: don’t want anyone else to take the driver seat; want to take charge of every situation; think the place is going to go to hell if they are not there
• Selfish: I put my concerns over yours. I could care less what you want to do. I’m not going to think about you, it doesn’t even faze me that I threw your ideas to the curb
• Instigator leaders are going to be uncomfortable in the passenger seat
• Lack of Praise: No constructive feedback, point out who did what wrong, public humiliation. Praise should come with something extreme. However, letting someone know that you are doing your job right…even if it isn’t extreme, just what you are supposed to do
• Don’t include others: Needing to be in the driver seat, they want the spotlight, if they have the idea they are not going to include anyone else. Take on everything. Do not delegate…do not push leadership down
• Forceful: Direct, if they want you to do something you have to do it. Iron Fist vs. Velvet Glove
• Non-sympathizer: We are not going to feel sorry for you. Kick you to the curb and then back the bus over you
• Lack of Interest: During a conversation they hear about the first 15 seconds, but after that they aren’t listening
• Stubborn as a mule. Don’t change mind or directions easily.
• Too Sensitive: A lot of emotions instead of logic
• Doubt Self: Whipped before the game has even begun. I like more confidence. What do you have to be doubtful about, anyway?
• Self-pity: Feeling sorry for self and blaming self for a bad situation. Sitting perching on a mile-high pity pot. Get over it and get going!
• Indecisive: Can’t make a decision, they want to try and please you. Why be afraid to make a decision? Just make a decision quickly for once
• Too Talkative: Just can’t get them to shut-up. There is something else that needs to be done. It is not accomplishing the end goal. We work in a time-sensitive business, when people are too social the job isn’t getting done
• Too Wordy: When they are talking and talking and explaining too much I am thinking to myself what they could be doing toward getting the job done
• Time Wasters: Time is money. E’s want to explain to you what happened last time, what is hard about it, what might not work in the future. I just want them to get the job done
• Over/Out think themselves: Analysis paralysis. Over-thinking something, such as, if I say this to this person, what are they going to say back to me, what are they going to do
• Worry warts: Worrying so much about what you say that you end up not even making a decision. Playing too many mind games when really you just need to put something down and go with it
• Perfectionists: It doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be good enough
• Doom and Gloom Forecasting: Thinking of problems that don’t exist that could possibly exist in the future
• Inconsistent Mood: Because there is emotion involved you don’t know what sort of reaction you are going to get. One day they are positive, the next day they are not. We don’t know what mood they are in. You have to read them from the start. It is going to be a good day or is it going to be a bad day
• Too Emotional: Emotions need to be shelved and logic used. Results in communication and leadership inconsistency. E’s let the emotions play into the decision making process far too much
• Can’t handle constructive criticism: Too thin skinned. Feels like walking on egg shells around them. E’s need to take criticism as constructive more often and use it to their advantage. Why always let emotions get in the way?
• Not following map or path: We made the decision, we know which way, we are past the thinking stage, lets act on it. Get in the communicator car or walk!
• Can’t prioritize correctly: Things are clearly black and white. When I’s see something to solve a problem they make a decision. If the decision is wrong another decision can be made down the road. Not making a quick decision is the definition of failure. It is real clear which one is most important.
• Can’t see the forest for the trees: It is so obvious why can’t Empathizers get it?
• Won’t speak up: When it is something uncomfortable, something that might make someone upset. Not speaking up really causes problems, it might masquerade some real problems. No one says anything in the meeting and then they all huddle up after the meeting or come up to you after the meeting
• No sense of urgency. When there is a task at hand, as an Instigator, I am all about getting it done NOW. We are going to lose out and miss opportunities, if we act like the Tortoise who is slow moving. Once there is a task to do, there is no sense to wait
• Always the victim.
TALK SENSE IN THIS CROOKED WORLD
Instigators say Empathizers are victims, while Empathizers say Instigators are persecutors. Neither is true. Prejudices are negative perceptions that are false. Don’t allow them to do their dirty work on your team. You are smart to steer around those invisible concrete barriers that will crunch your communicator car on the two-way communicator highway and leave everyone cursing up a blue streak.
Talk Doc Dennis O’Grady is the developer and researcher of the revolutionary TALK2ME effective communication system. You may reach him at 937-428-0724.