Frustrated Instigators don’t put a cork in the bottle, from the Empathizer viewpoint, and they keep spreading a bad mood all around like manure…and they aren’t even trying to get a garden to grow! What do sensitive people see in an adult who is red-faced and howling like a baby? Sniping. Angry mood. Intolerant. Riding others. Irritable. Demanding. Immature. Standing there smirking and acting like a Jerk or Jerkette, antagonizing others on purpose.
I TRY NOT TO BE HIS BABYSITTER BUT…
How Eve, who truly loves Adam, resents being a babysitter to his nit-picky moods…
It gets a little complicated. Adam takes good care of us, but he comes home from work in a bad mood. You never know what you’re going to get. He even gets into shouting matches with strangers at sporting events. I feel confused. I should be by his side, but his angry mood just escalates when I try to talk with him about it. I’d like to say sarcastically, ‘Is this the way you work on your mood? Nice job. Good work. You’re making progress!’ but that would really make things worse.”
Empathizers incorrectly feel they should be on board to support an Instigator husband/wife or supervisor/boss who has emotional meltdowns.
HOW A BAD MOOD IMPACTS AN EMPATHIZER PARTNER
Sensitive Empathizers fall for the phony anger routine hook, line, and sinking energy. E-types then catch the “mood flu” that has this sickening symptom pattern:
- APATHETIC ATTITUDE: I don’t want to babysit your angry mood.
- BACKING OFF: After asking what’s wrong and not getting an honest reply, I withdraw.
- CONFUSED: Why does my partner get so righteous about being right, that words come across as sniping and sarcastic?
- PREOCCUPIED: I feel worn out trying to monitor my partner’s bad mood, and I have difficulty not taking it personally, because I’m too sensitive.
- DECREASED INTIMACY: I don’t want to be close with a snarky communicator who gripes and makes malicious, underhanded remarks.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENTLY?
My dear Instigator communicator, do you REALLY want to get along better with your Empathizer husband, wife, or co-worker? O.K., then you have to put in some elbow grease to…
1. MANAGE YOUR MOOD. Have you even tried effective ways to manage your mood, or do you just give in to it and let it rip?
2. BRING A GOOD MOOD HOME. Have you ever depressurized before you come through the door at night?
3. VIEW LIFE THROUGH YOUR PARTNER’S EYES. Haven’t you noticed that your partner sees you as a bully?
4. KNOW YOU MAKE YOUR PARTNER HAPPY – OR SICK. Have you noticed you can depress your partner with your bad mood or make your partner happy with your good mood?
5. BE AT FAULT. Have you accepted that you create the sunny or stormy talk climate in your home? You’re not doing it on purpose? Then try being “on purpose” for a change.
6. DON’T LET YOURSELF DEFAULT TO FEELING FRUSTRATED. Are you aware that the strength of your anger covers up the strength of your sadness, happiness, or gratefulness?
7. OBTAIN A COACH TO GIVE YOU CRITICAL FEEDBACK. What would you lose if you found a coach to show you how to alter your mood in ways that make both you and your partner feel close and happy?
Instigators try to make up for their bad mood by being intimate. However, E-types turn off cold when feeling the heat of anger. Who wants to be close to a prickly porcupine?
SWITICHING MOODS: TIME TO TALK TURKEY
You can alter your mood if you want to. Do you want to manage your mood? Just admit it and get on with it! In order feel good about yourself and to accomplish a thing or two on your list, you could find satisfaction by exhibiting angry actions while knocking people out of your way. However, are you able to see the benefits in switching moods and being calmer? If it’s going to make your partner feel better and in the mood for closeness, is it worth to you? If not, then why are you wasting your partner’s time?
Can’t talk? Receive TALK2ME© solutions by developer Dr. Dennis O’Grady via relationship communication coaching by calling 937-428-0724.