Empathizer and Instigator: Distinct Differences

Are you improving your communication skills a little each day? Only if you know your communicator type. Read down the list below to find out which type of communicator you are! For example, Empathizer communicators agree to pick up negative feelings too easily, and Instigator communicators agree to pass along negative feelings too easily, both without realizing it:

An Empathizer is naturally more sensitive and tuned in to the feelings of others.
Listening with three ears is typical of Empathizer behavior.

An Instigator is naturally less sensitive and tuned in to the thoughts of others.
Listening with half an ear, or maybe half an ear on each side of the head, is common among Instigators.

An Empathizer is at his or her best when relationship waters are calm.
Stroking loving bonds and feeling loving and valuing, are feelings with which Empathizers feel comfortable.

An Instigator is at her or his best when a crisis is burning or brewing.
Keeping a calm head during a blazing crisis is what Instigators do best.

An Empathizer feels sad because he/she fears Instigator anger.
Feeling lonely brings down the mood of an E-type.

An Instigator feels mad because he/she fears Empathizer sadness.
Feeling bored brings down the mood of an I-type.

An Empathizer deals with anxiety by talking about negative issues with a friend.
An Empathizer follows gut feelings and leads with emotions.

An Instigator deals with anxiety by doing something positive with a friend.
An Instigator follows logic and takes the lead away from emotions.

An Empathizer may stuff hurt feelings inside when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants.
An Empathizer, when hurt, can avoid or pull back from relationships.

An Instigator pushes without guilt to get what he/she wants.
An Instigator, when smarting, can be too aggressive about relationships.

An Empathizer prefers to speak by using emotions
An Empathizer changes more when using the language of beliefs.

An Instigator prefers to speak by using beliefs.
An Instigator changes more when using the language of emotions.

An Empathizer correctly believes the world is one in which humans help each other.
An Empathizer works hard to reduce losses.

An Instigator correctly believes the world is a dog-eat-dog kind of place.
An Instigator works hard at winning.

An Empathizer wants to resolve past issues now, in the present moment.
They prefer relationship problem-solving to improve togetherness.

An Instigator wants to move beyond what’s happened in the past.
Fixing things and making strategic future change – plans are what Instigators prefer.

An Empathizer forgets to put on his/her stage makeup.
Sincerity, being loyal, and real confidence are everything to an Empathizer.

An Instigator puts on a positive face.
Genuineness, being powerful, and projecting confidence are everything to an Instigator.

As Empathizer and Instigator communicators learn to better understand their weaknesses and proactively utilize their respective strengths, then every communicator, couple, and family will feel more at ease.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD provides effective communication workshops, couple communication training and family business communication seminars using his innovative and effective TALK2ME system.. Dennis can be reached at 937-428-0724.

Nice People

Do you speak up when things aren’t going right? Empathizer communicators are perceived as being nice people who are pushovers. That’s true, and prejudicial, because…

JUST BECAUSE I’M QUIET…doesn’t mean I’m weak

JUST BECAUSE I’M SILENT…doesn’t mean I’m in agreement with you

JUST BECAUSE I’M RESERVED…doesn’t mean I have nothing to say

JUST BECAUSE I STUMBLE OVER MY WORDS…doesn’t mean I’m not right

JUST BECAUSE I DON’T LOOK CONFIDENT…doesn’t mean I’m not competent

JUST BECAUSE I LOOK AWAY…doesn’t mean I’m intimidated by you

JUST BECAUSE I’M SAD…doesn’t mean I’m not contented

JUST BECAUSE I’M CAUTIOUS…doesn’t mean I avoid taking risks

JUST BECAUSE I’M SMILING…doesn’t mean I’m happy

JUST BECAUSE I’M TALKING…doesn’t mean I’m saying what I want

JUST BECAUSE I’M NICE…doesn’t mean I don’t feel resentful

JUST BECAUSE I’M A PUSHOVER…doesn’t mean I won’t or can’t push back

You have the power to use words to steer a new course of direction that will relieve resentment. Blend the strengths of both Empathizer and Instigator communicators today, and you’ll notice positive changes almost immediately.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a family business communication consultant and couple psychologist from Dayton, Ohio. Call about Talk2Me© training at 937-428-0724.

Lucky Communication

ARE YOU LUCKY?
Are you lucky in communication? Of course you are. Shooting from the lip in a fast and careless manner is a recipe for disaster. You know that you make your own good communication luck. But, how do you make good luck happen when you’re feeling bad?

HOW DO YOU MAKE TODAY A LUCKY DAY OF POSITIVE COMMUNICATION?

Are you mindful of your own communicator power? Here are road signs that you are driving sensibly down the road of excellent communication, empowering everyone by exceeding expectations. YOU…

•    Take time to talk
•    Build communication bridges of trust
•    Think optimistically about people
•    Listen and hear more than you talk and tell
•    Are aware of your communication prejudices
•    Adjust your mood to avoid running into a ditch or wall
•    Apologize freely and joke often
•    Don’t go for “It’s my way or the highway” threats
•    Give a balanced diet of positive and negative feedback
•    Strive to improve your communication skills a little bit every single day
•    Don’t put off people who might have a bone to pick with you
•    Pump yourself up daily with encouraging self-talk
•    SMILE and make eyeball contact with newcomers
•    Clarify if what you hear being said is actually what is being said
•    Leave your ego at the door

ARE YOU TOO SENSITIVE OR NOT SENSITIVE ENOUGH TO WHAT WORKS?

How to start off on a good foot? Appreciate that Empathizers are TOO sensitive to the moods and opinions of others, but they don’t care enough for the self. Conversely, Instigators have plenty of respect for the self, while being LESS sensitive to the emotions of others. A balanced style works best.

By studying the TALK2ME© system, you will improve your communication results and mood. Not a bum deal.  Test your communicator type today for free at http://www.drogrady.com/type.php

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a family business psychologist, individual counselor and couple communication expert from Dayton, Ohio. You can reach Dennis by calling 937-428-0724.

A Positive Tone Of Phone

You’re ready to make the call. The big phone call, that is. You want to send a friendly smile right through the handset of your phone. But you don’t like to talk on the phone. Any tools or tips for putting your best words forward in tense times like these? Yep, there sure are.

DO YOU PREFER THE INDIRECT OR DIRECT APPROACH TO TALK?

Let’s avoid unnecessary talk accidents. You don’t have to call in a 911-communication emergency or feel stalled out. However, you can match up better with the person you’re calling or who is talking with you. For example, you know that Empathizers like an indirect and quieter approach, while Instigators like a direct and louder approach. Neither way is better or worse. Which do you prefer – the I or the E way?

EMPATHIZER PHONE LISTENERS VS. INSTIGATOR PHONE SPEAKERS

What preferences do you exhibit? Do you always use what works for you when you are communicating? Not good. When you use the TALK2ME© system typecasting function, you know which type of talker you have on the other end of the phone line.

Preferences for packaging good talk….

1. E-types prefer to give the best correct answer, while I-types prefer a fast answer

2. E-types prefer to give a positive view of the project, while I-types prefer to give a realistic view of the project

3. E-types prefer to hear a calm voice tone, while I-types prefer to hear an impassioned voice tone

4. E-types prefer to warm things up by beating around the bush a little bit, while I-types prefer the “let’s get right to the point here” direct approach

5. E-types prefer that you lead the conversation, while I-types prefer being in charge by directing the conversation

6. E-types prefer person-driven solutions, while I-types prefer policy-driven solutions

7. Both Empathizers and Instigators prefer non-emotional communications that stick to the task at hand

MANAGING YOUR MOUTH

Words matter. Words can heal or open wounds. A negative phone attitude quickly sends the message, “I don’t have time to care for you, nor do I care to meet your needs!”

To project strength: Appeal to the communication type of your talk partner.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist and corporate trainer in Dayton. He teaches powerful new communication tools using the TALK2ME© system. Reach Dr. O’Grady at 937-428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.

A Positive Communication Climate

What factor – inspired by good communication – is response-able for TEAM UNITY in your book? Is it “Honesty is the best policy?” or “What goes around comes around?” or “Treat stress like water off a duck’s back?” Here’s what the communication team brainstormed in class not long ago:

Top ten ways to build a positive atmosphere of communication:

1.    Have a good plan

2.    Make your “to do” list #1

3.    Motivate by using a good mood

4.    When what you’re doing isn’t working out, take new steps

5.    Take a step back and accept when your personal communication power has been compromised by emotion

6.    Believe in yourself even when others act in disapproving, manipulative, or selfish ways

7.    Project strength: Don’t allow emotions to sidetrack forward progress to your goal

8.    Speak OUT…Listen UP…Seek out TEAM UNITY

9.    Show disapproval for negative actions

10.    Show approval for positive actions

Are you doing what works? Do you gripe and worry, too much of the time? Now lighten up! Do something new from the Top Ten List above, instead of circling the drain of depression.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD, is a Dayton clinical psychologist and corporate trainer who teaches powerful new communication tools using the TALK2ME© system. Reach Dr. O’Grady at 937-428-0724 or at www.drogrady.com.