A Charismatic Leader

A CHARISMATIC LEADER

How do you describe yourself as a leader? In the TALK2ME© system, charismatic leaders are called Inventors. Inventors are Instigator-type innovators who are relentless in achieving futuristic company goals. Are you a charismatic leader who produces astonishing results? How to know…

ARE YOU A ‘MOOD MAKER OR MOOD BREAKER’ LEADER?

A charismatic leader gets under people’s skin in a relentless effort to communicate what needs to be accomplished today to produce results tomorrow and after tomorrow.

If you are a top performing, “I like to win” charismatic leader, you will say: “Yes, I lead by using these 11 talk strategies….”

  • I KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE. One of my strongest assets is the ability to quickly observe how different people are motivated. I approach people in a manner that makes sense to them.
  • IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE…IT’S ABOUT PEOPLE. The smartest people often have their heads in the clouds, and they don’t always get it. They don’t know how to adapt to people by keeping their feet on the ground and using their Emotional I.Q.
  • CONNECT WITH PEOPLE. I usually know what makes people tick (or ticked off), so I can address each person as an individual.
  • BE A JUGGLER. I manage people by staying focused on the balls in the air that are central to success.
  • SELF-EVALUATE. Ensure that your people are vested in projects, to the point of grading their performance on a personal report card, just as I do.
  • CHANGE. If I screwed up yesterday, I can’t go back to fix it, but I sure can do something about it today. Successful people change what isn’t working.
  • CORRECTIVE COMMUNICATION. When you use corrective communication, your team anticipates sending their leader input about what isn’t going well and what can be done to correct the shortcomings.
  • MANAGE THE BOSS. No need to pat yourself on the back as a team player. There may not be an “I” in TEAM but there is an “I” in WIN. Keep your eyes on the prize. Produce the results that are stated in the project goals…or you can wait for my first-thing phone call.
  • MAKE PEOPLE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. I’ve gotten past being labeled as ‘mean’ when I’ve thrown out bad apples or pointed out that we’re harvesting the wrong orchard. People grow from being uncomfortable.
  • LOOK SERIOUS. I don’t exactly walk around with a smile on my face all day long, so people perceive me as unapproachable. You are probably labeled as arrogant, especially if you are shy and you generate decent results.
  • I’M NOT EGOTISTICAL. I love to solve problems by envisioning what needs to happen differently in the future, and I’m good at it. I’m not good at dishing out praise.

ARE YOU A CHARASMATIC LEADER…ARE YOU A RESULTS-DRIVEN NUT?

If you like to set the standard…if WIN is your middle name…if you prefer to work smart while motivating your people to work really hard…if you are a results-driven nut…if you are envied…if some people don’t appreciate your honest feedback…if you are perceived as being relentless…if you have been accused of being moody or controlling…and especially if you’re CHARASMATIC even when you don’t think so…then let’s talk about rocket-boosting your communicator style.

By blending your natural Instigator style with an Empathizer leadership style, your team productivity will soar as positive communication fans out throughout the ranks, and your winning team finds new ways to solve sizable problems using TALK2ME© tools.

DR. DENNIS O’GRADY is the developer of the TALK2ME© communication system. He is a clinical psychologist who specializes in corporate training and couple counseling.

Code Of Communication Ethics

CODE OF COMMUNICATION ETHICS

When the rubber meets the road, do you follow these codes of communicator competence?

  1. I ask clearly stated questions.
  2. I listen open-mindedly and without distraction.
  3. When I feel anxious about the topic of discussion, for confirmation I summarize and repeat what is being said to me.
  4. I apologize when I talk over anyone.
  5. I don’t push my pointed opinion down a closed throat.
  6. I respectfully give feedback in the preferred style of Empathizers vs. Instigators.
  7. I manage my own mood because I am in the driver’s seat of my life.
  8. I access information and mentors to help me become a more positive and effective communicator.
  9. I work with my communicator type and know why I react/respond as an Empathizer-type or Instigator-type communicator.
  10. I purposefully acquire the strengths I admire about my opposite communicator type.
  11. I don’t cop out by defaulting to fear or anger or the blame game, which is lame.
  12. I confront and eliminate the communicator prejudices of both types to create productive problem solving and enlivening relationships.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a clinical psychologist, and relationship communication consultant who offers coaching and workshops on the TALK2ME system. Dennis can be reached at (937) 428-0724.

I Feel Like The Crazy Person

YOU AREN’T CRAZY, LAZY OR STUPID

“I feel like a crazy person!” said Jack, my 45-year-old health professional…and communications client…on a rainy, Ohio, fall day. “My wife abruptly left me two weeks ago, and I need to know that I’m not a loon! I know not all counselors are created equal, and your reputation is caring but tough. I hear you are a straight talker who tells it like it is. I’ve read parts of your effective communication book, Talk to Me, and now I need to talk.” Do you ever feel like problems are being re-created, making you feel as if you’re losing your mind? Well, you are as sane as the day is long.

OUR MARRIAGE WASN’T WORKING OUT

When I am involved in relationship communication coaching, I first determine the communicator types of the players involved, as should you. Typically, your romantic partner is your opposite talk type. This proved true in the case of Jack and Jill. Jack was a male Empathizer-type (E-type) communicator, and in general, E-types tend to be more sensitive to others. Meanwhile, Jill was an Instigator (I-type) communicator, and in general, I-types tend to be more sensitive to self. Neither style is better or worse, just different. Jack spoke further of his anxious confusion:

What an idiot I am. Maybe I let her mess with my mind. And why don’t people see the control problem and realize she’s not the ‘nice guy’ she pretends to be? Why did I ignore the red flags flying? You know how you play that trust game in sensitivity training? The game where you fall backwards, with your eyes closed, and trust that your partner will catch you? Jill would never catch you. She has been very hurtful to me in the past. I don’t like to feel as though I’ve been defeated, so I hung in there too long.  Jill is cold, calculating and aloof.

As a “thin skinned” Empathizer communicator (E-type) , Jack can read the future in his crystal ball, but he can forget to forcefully stand up for himself in dominating ways with difficult people. Why? Because E-types hate conflict and drama.

SHOULD BE ACCOUNTABLE AND APOLOGIZE?

What do you think? Should your partner apologize for hurting your feelings? Instigators feel exasperated and irritated by Empathizers’ hurt feelings. “We should send them all to Empathizer Island so they can complain to one another!” quipped one I-type communicator. I-types believe that, “E-types put put too much emphasis on an apology. They try to make us I-types feel guilty. Why should I be the one to apologize if I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings?” I-types like Jack, would agree that, “Apologies are the way people are held accountable for their promised actions.”

THE TRICKY COMMUNICATOR

As they cover up their tracks with slippery-speak negatalking, reactive communicators of either type can make you feel like you have a few screws loose. According to Jack, what are the talk moves a tricky communicator makes, that compel you to feel like you’re losing your mind?

1.  Jill says I made her mad and disappointed. She gets angry when I bring things up…and try to talk about feelings…like I’m just making things up!

2. Jill says she doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings. I blame myself for not seeing the forest for the trees. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I leave her a long time ago? Why didn’t I see the meanness for what it was?

3. Jill says I don’t try hard enough. I plug up one leak in the dike with my finger, then another one, and I work hard but nothing changes. I play by the rules, and Jill still doesn’t change.

4. Jill says I have psychological issues. She always has someone to blame so she doesn’t have to look at her own issues!

5. Jill says she’s only trying to help me. She squirms out of taking responsibility as she twists the truth. “That’s her story, and she’s going to stick to it!”

6. Jill says it’s not her fault and everyone agrees with her. She rallies the troops and debates forever and a day when I ask legitimate questions.

7. Jill says I won’t change because I’m stubborn. She uses the perfect “nice guy” image outside the home which people can’t see through.  But she leaves psychic bodies strewn all around in her own home!

8. Jill says I act childish and take things too personal. I get down on myself when she talks down to me. Sometimes I feel stupid and confused when I try to get to the bottom of issues. Maybe I don’t remember clearly?

9. Jill says I’m stupid. Maybe I do ask too many questions? Do I come across as too emotionally needy?

10. Jill says I’m too negative. Maybe my negative thoughts and positive attitude aren’t where they ought to be?

11. Jill says she loves me in spite of my mistakes. And that no one else would ever treat me as well as she does. Am I losing it?

Crazytalk makes you doubt your own perceptions with irrelevant questions. And if you wish a male version of an emotional terrorist, read Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

CRAZYTALKING CRAZYMAKING

Jill says she loves me. But should love drain you and hurt you? The tricky communicator creates self-doubt within easy going Empathizer listeners. All of these are slick ways that make you feel like you’re a nut who hasn’t fallen too far from the tree. That’s why Jill says, “He’s making me crazy!”

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…TRY, TRY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT

“I feel like I’m the crazy person here!” indicates that communication problems are being perpetuated, not resolved. There’s nothing wrong with your mind! In fact, “If at first you don’t succeed…try, try, doing something different!” is my change motto. Poor communication clouds the insight needed to determine what steps are needed to solve a problem, ensuring that problems go unsolved. “Crazytalking crazymaking” is the emotional experience of “the elephant in the room…stinks.” You don’t want to feel like one of your front porch lights has burned out, although your light may be dimming.

HOW DO I KEEP MY FRONT PORCH LIGHT BURNING BRIGHT, BYPASSING THE TRICKY COMMUNICATOR?

Particularly, more sensitive E-types are bound to question if they’re (not you) the crazy ones. Now say with me, “I’m not crazy because a licensed psychologist who is licensed to tell me if I am crazy says I’m NOT CRAZY! Whew…take a deep breath, go easy, relax for a second, will ya? Of course, you aren’t going to allow anyone to drive you crazy without your consent. By the end of our meeting, Jack didn’t feel crazy or depressed, and he had renewed energy to address the problems at hand. Jack wasn’t loony tunes. This situation was about a tricky and strategic talker who is a negative communicator. Are we clear instead of confused, now?

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dennis O’Grady is the father and developer of the innovative Talk to Me© effective communication system, which streamlines communication that is productive and useful, inside your head and inside your relationships. Confusing emotions chase us all, but the Talk to Me© approach to good communication will help boost your mood, keep your energy up, and free yourself from the road tar of negative relationships or emotions.

Don’t Beat Around The Bush

DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH…

A major criticism that Empathizer-type communicators have of Instigators is that I-types don’t beat around the bush long enough, but instead, come straight to the point. E-types like to groom the bush, hug it and trim it, provide nourishing water and fertilizer, and generally hang around to see if all the nurturing makes a difference. Different strokes for different folks, y’all.

Knowing that E-types feel miffed when they are stiffed of relationship regard, it would follow that, when miffed and stiffed, E-types will erect a resentment wall. If you’ve ever tried scaling a resentment wall, you know how difficult it is, whether you intend to accomplish a task just beyond the wall right now or whether you want to know how to make it successfully past the wall, just in case you need this information in the future.

Now, once you have mastered the technique of identifying the talk type of yourself and that of your talk partner, you’ll be able to put the strengths of both types into play. The traits and habits of either type are easily applied to most any situation, depending on what you are trying to accomplish. When you use the Million Dollar Talk Tools from your Communicator Toolbox, you’ll find that the efforts net good results for all.

The Rule of Personal Mood Motivation: When you step on the toes of your fellow talk dancer, a significant reduction of work activity or output will predictably result. That’s why it’s so important to learn the talk dance steps of TALK2ME.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a family business communication consultant from Dayton, Ohio. He is a marriage counselor and effective communications coach. Contact Dennis at (937) 428-0724 to select modules from the library of positive and effective communication to achieve your desired results.

The Goal Of Talk2Me Training

The goal of TALK2ME© communication training is to enhance performance and profits by improving trustworthy communication. This is accomplished by pushing leadership down the ranks by accessing strengths and steering around weaknesses or potholes on the two-way communication highway.

WALK THE TALK OF POSITIVE AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

TALK2ME© tools create positive results in the individual, team, and organization as illustrated in your personal copy of Discover Your Inner Strength. The following results occur as innovative TALK2ME© strategies are implemented. When you learn, you earn:

1. Bridges of trust are built


2. Initiative is taken by each individual


3. A collaborative, two-way communicator highway is built among team members


4. Managing mood increases productivity by 40%


5. Sense of urgency for improvement and tolerance for change is felt among team members

GIMMICKS

Sadly, some communication training programs are presented in a large group, lecture format, so the information may go into the head, but it doesn’t move into the heart and hands of the student to be successfully implemented everyday. That’s too bad, because such programs can be a waste of your time and money. In contrast, because training is in an interactive format, TALK2ME© tools “stick” with trainees, enabling them to spontaneously apply the tools in their personal relationships, with the same great results they experience in the workplace.

It all comes down to communication, and you can maintain control of and influence all your conversations just by using a few simple tools from the TALK2ME© communication toolbox.

DEVELOPER OF TALK2ME POSITIVE AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SYSTEM

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist who is a communication expert. He was 2008 president of the Dayton Area Psychological Association. Dr. O’Grady may be contacted at 7501 Paragon Road, Suite 200, Dayton, OH 45459. Office Phone: 937-428-0724. E-mail: dennis@drogrady.com