Interpersonally sensitive communicators, called Empathizer-type communicators, can inadvertently take on others’ problems, anger luggage and negative energy. Do you ever need to be more “thick-skinned” when immature comments are made about you, your decisions, performance or your motivations?
DETACHING FROM THE ENERGY DRAINS, THE CONSTANT TALK, TALK, TALK AND THE GUILT SMOKESCREENS LOBBED AT YOU
Our reader below uses a self-talk “communication trade secret” tool called: “IT’s NOT my stuff!” to set healthy interpersonal boundaries in the workplace. Might this same tool work for you?
Hi Dennis,
Do you know why it’s “not my stuff?” It’s all a matter of ownership. It’s not mine because I did not create it, buy it, borrow it or in any way make IT come into existence.
No amount of pleading or projection can make it mine, UNLESS and this is the caveat, I choose to care about it. When a boss or coworker cannot access my energy in an authentic way, I see that she or he are trying to hook into my empathetic nature.
Ironic twist of truth that I am more motivated for each of them to care about themselves than they seem to be. Your phrasing of that point caused me to examine my part in my interactions with them. Caring less doesn’t mean I don’t care, it simply means I choose to care to a point then accept the other’s right to self-determination.
Making my mark everyday and asking myself what I am appointed to do put the focus back on me. That’s the point. My unique ability to care is what I get to “bring to the table” everyday, it’s my mark. It also means I get to choose when I detach from the energy drains, the constant talk, talk, talk and the guilt smokescreens lobbed to me so I will feel sorry for those folks.
Dennis, I appreciate the opportunity you have “assigned” me, it is helpful to me to put into words what I have floating around in my mind and soul as I reflect on what we discuss. I’m looking forward to reading the article you referred to on Monday.
It’s just after ten and I have already used my self-talk…”It’s NOT my stuff!” twice this morning. Heck, I’m getting good at this!
Sincerely,
“Why let IT eat at ME…IT’s NOT my stuff!”