SMART AS A FOX IN A CHICKEN COOP
A cagey communicator is a “smart as a fox” type you can’t really pin down, no matter how hard you try to. Cagey communicators steal the will of the people right from underneath their very own noses. They are able to convince you that what’s false is true, what’s up is down, and that the reason you frown is not their fault but is due to your own shameful unworthiness.
CAGEY COMMUNICATOR TRAITS THAT WILL ENSNARE YOU
There’s nothing “regular” about the “brainwashing” capacities of the cagey talker. Here are the leading traits of the cagey communicator that can make you feel like a caged animal who wants to run free:
1. DOESN’T LISTEN. Cagey communicators do not shut up and listen! They will go on and on and on, beating the same drab drum about what rules of right vs. wrong you and the group should fearfully follow.
2. IMAGE MAKER. Everything is smoke and mirrors in the sometimes Funhouse but most times Griefhouse of the cagey communicator. Impression management: You will be told and sold the approved social image that the cagey communicator wants you to believe.
3. INTRIGUE. You will be kept guessing as to the true identity of cagey communicators. However, they say a lot about the self all the time. That is, if you can believe that what they say they are, is what they say they are!
4. WILL BREAKER. You will feel coyly controlled, or that your freedom has been jailed, and you will feel forced to go along with their program — if you know what’s good for you.
5. COWARD. The cagey communicator escapes personal problems at all costs. Failures and conflicts are always about how what’s gone wrong is the fault of someone or something else, that is bad to the bone.
6. STIRS UP CONTROVERSY. Cagey communicators are dishonest about what they are truly feeling. Moreover, to take the heat of accountability off themselves, they will set fires in adjacent locations as talk distractions.
7. RELATIONSHIP DEFICIT DISORDER. There will be no “true” relationship or interpersonal closeness with people who matter most to a business or family. As soon as you get close, the cagey communicator pulls away.
8. HOOKS YA. Intermittent relationship reinforcement is used is used to keep you hooked and on the line. Thus, you will be the rat who is fed pellets by the cagey communicator, as long as you turn in the prescribed direction as instructed.
9. INSECURITY. Deep insecurity and old grief exist in the inner bowels of the cagey communicator, whose security is fortified by controlling others and by bending others’ will to their own purposes.
10. SMOKESCREEN. Claims to be fully committed, but isn’t. There are always two conflicting forces, such as two love partners or conflicting business alliances. What isn’t said but implied: “Although I’m always stuck in the middle doing the dirty work, at least I’m as needed as the tires on a car.”
11. UNCHANGING. Seldom does anything truly change inside the cagey communicator, but drama cycles around him or her constantly. Of course, you will be encouraged to dispense with some of your biggest talents, strengths, and assets, which will break your will and make you easier to control.
12. BLAMELESS. “It’s wasn’t my fault, because that’s not what I really meant!” is the escape clause that is often utilized by the cagey communicator. If you say something, doesn’t that mean that your word means something? Not to the cagey communicator, who manipulates a situation to get what he or she wants without the free consent of others.
13. HIT LIST. You will be widely rewarded, if you agree, or severely punished if you disagree or refuse to go along to get along with the unethically guided cagey communicator. Make no mistake about it…there are “hit lists” which are meticulously followed.
14. SUCK YOUR ENERGY DRY. The cagey communicator will put a long syringe into your skull, or a very long straw, and suck your last ounce of passionate energy dry. If you isolate or doubt yourself, you will dry up and blow away like dusty bones in the desert.
15. DON’T LEAVE ME! The cagey communicator will make you feel sorry for them, really, really sorry. It’s true! You will feel as if you’re stuck in a Tar Baby, and the harder you hit, the more stuck you will become. Don’t worry: There is always a next cast of players.
16. SHIFTING GRIEF. The ultimate dreaded inner issue that the cagey communicator refuses to turn around and look at is old grief baggage…very old. This unspoken grief is acted out or passed off to others in the form of guilt baggage.
The cagey communicator will not heal without ultimately dealing with intense grief issues.
TALK TO ME SYSTEM DATA
In my extensive studies using the Talk to Me system, I’ve found only 20% of communicators are cagey. That means 80% of us are straight shooters, who aren’t trying to get our way at the expense of others. Is there a difference among men and women? Gender speaking, 62% of manipulators are men and 38% of manipulators are women. But, oh my, how one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, when allowed!
WHAT’S THIS GOT TO DO WITH HARRY POTTER?
I often hear “I don’t want to be associated with the cagey communicator any longer!” How do you break free of the cagey communicator? Well, you’ve got to leave, or fire them. That’s about the only two ways. You will work and try, and try harder, and work more and still nothing significant will change, at least for any extended period of time. Why is it so hard to leave them? Well, maybe they cause us to pull together as a group, activating our true inner powers for the good of all. That’s what happened to Harry Potter and friends when besieged by the cagey communicator called Prof. Umbridge.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region relationship communications expert, inspirational keynote speaker, corporate trainer, and experienced couples counselor. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication among everyone, including in-love couples, at-work teams, corporate leaders, and families. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. His book of effective interpersonal communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.