In a landmark 2005 New Insights Communication study, I tested and interviewed 160 individuals from all walks of life to determine their communicator style. I found that 40% of all communicators are Empathizers (E-types), while 60% of all communicators are Instigators (I-types).
You can find out your communicator type easily by “Taking the Test” on this site. Understanding your communicator type makes effective communication simple, and miscommunication far more uncommon.
Furthermore, a provocative finding was that men and women are about equally divided or represented between the two groups. Thus, men are more sensitive as co-communicators about half of the time, while women are more insensitive as co-communicators half of the time. Talk about a talk turn-around on the two-way communication highway!
There is a good chance too that your partner or co-communicator at home or at work, might just be your opposite communicator type. No worries, mate. This doesn’t become a problem unless you don’t know who you’re talking to.
When you are experiencing an ongoing difficulty or conflict with a talk partner, there is a very good chance that the “difficult” person is your opposite communicator type. Now that you know your type, go back down the list of opposing traits in my article “Are You a Sensitive or Insensitive Communicator?” and guess what type of communicator your life partner happens to be.
See why I think that lumping men and women together is hooey? Here’s a sampling of the manure sandwiches that we’re told to chomp on as if they’re delicacies:
“Women communicate better than men.”
“Men are unemotional machines.”
“Men are dunces when it comes to learning positive talk tools.”
“Women must force men to talk or else nothing much will change.”
“Women are moodier than men and must be humored.”
“Men are insensitive by nature.”
“Men and women can’t really be expected to get along very well because we’re too different.”
What a crock of bad-tasting cultural stew of confusion. In my mind, that’s a recipe that paves the way to The Anger and Blame Game.
The two brand new communicator types operate powerfully in your home, in the business arena and life in general. Your gender no longer is the quarterback on the communication playing field. Thus, men aren’t poorer or more insensitive communicators than women, simply by a genetic coin toss at birth, and women aren’t necessarily intuitively better at communicating.
Come along with me and learn how each talk style, Empathizer-type vs. Instigator-type, has preferences that should be expected and respected. Why allow the “You don’t understand me!” riot to break out ever again?
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a family psychologist and interpersonal communication coach from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone.