A number of recent news articles have zeroed in on insecurity among chief executive officers (CEOs), such as one titled, “Could insecurity be the secret to CEO’s success?” This USA Today Money section article by Del Jones ran with the subtitles: “Some execs say paranoia keeps them on their toes” and “Some CEOs say insecurity has made them work hard to prove themselves” (02/01/07 USA Today).
Excuse my cynicism. But does this help you feel better about CEOs who, on average, earn in one day what you earn in an entire year (or several)? Who ought to feel insecure here? Anyway, I think the article unintentionally missed the bus on several key points.
WHAT IS INSECURITY?
I know how insecurity works from the inside-out as a 30-year-plus communications psychologist and innovator of the “Talk to Me” strategic leadership communication and decision-making system. I’m also a CEO and family business coach. Ya’ wanna talk insecurity? Do take a minute with me to define first what insecurity is…a negative thought or feeling? Here you go, all of us who feel disturbed by insecurity.
1. The Werewolf Effect: The eerie feeling that you are being hunted down and chased by an out-of-your-control creature who is breathing down your neck.
2. Hyper-Dog: Always on the run with the big dogs, rushing and flitting from pillar to post to get things done perfectly but feeling like a Chihuahua.
3. Fear of Loss: “There’s never enough of (fill in the blank)” cooperation, time, money, talent, luck, understanding, common sense, good leaders, etc.
4. Shame-Faced: Just never feels comfortable in his or her own skin, or that all will be O.K. if he/she doesn’t huff and puff or blow down someone else’s house of self-esteem.
5. Always Nervous Inside: Smiling on the outside, while crying on the inside like a clown.
6. Only Half-Listens: Has trouble trusting, and listening to or benefiting from, negative feedback.
7. Good Soul: Although pained, perplexed and in agony like the rest of us mortals, is more like a childhood carcass whose guilt-laden past keeps the good soul inside from performing at peak levels.
8. Hoarding Mentality: Is likely to give more importance to things or tasks instead of people, and because of paranoia, will keep critical, problem-solving information to himself/herself.
DRIVING HARD TO ACHIEVE DRIVES US ALL WHERE?
Insecurity, in short, wreaks havoc in our relationships with others and our own relationships with the inner child. It’s characterized by this inside-the-skull self-talk: “I’m not going to survive if I don’t push really hard to prove that I can do it in spite of all obstascles and odds!” Psychologically, good luck to us all who seek to right the wrongs of our collective boyhood or girlhood pasts through driving hard to achieve.
WHO ARE THE INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR LEADERS OR I-TYPE TALKERS AMONG US?
For people who are Instigator Communicators, the typical Achilles heel is this personal trait: “Is disturbed by insecurity.” A snapshot of an Instigator Communicator, which according to my Dayton 2005 Leadership Study (p. 132) includes 75% of our leaders today, is as follows:
- Is disturbed by insecurity
- Takes pride in pushing hard for own personal needs to be met
- Has high self-esteem most times, but can feel unlovable
- Lacks confidence in dealing with emotions and emotional losses
- Keeps score and likes numbers: “I’m trying to make a point here!”
- Possesses this self-concept: “No one knows the real me or how I truly feel.”
- Accepts as truth this concept: “I’m not as good as I look like I am.”
- Remains calm in a crisis
- Works hard for company and global objectives
- Is a big believer in: “There’s a right way and a wrong way to do this!”
The accompanying snapshot of an Empathizer Communicator or E-type is on pages 95-99 of my communication theory book, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” (available at www.drogrady.com or at Amazon).
LOOK WHO’S TALKING: SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE
If you don’t know who you’re talking to by type, you are going to miss the boat and have missed and mixed communication, too. As a group, Instigator communicators feel deeply disturbed by emotions due to disturbing conditions in their childhoods. But let’s not romanticize the drive to succeed, first and foremost, the drive is to help heal a world stinging from the abuses of good leaders gone bad due to their intoxication from massive doses of insecurity.
ABOUT DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D., LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION TRAINER, RELATIONSHIP EXPERT AND STRATEGIC DECISION-MAKING CONSULTANT
Are CEOs afraid of their own shadow? Issues that cause worry for our leaders today according to Pricewaterhouse Coopers 10th Annual Global CEO Survey of 1,084 CEOs conducted in 50 countries from Sept. 14 to Dec. 12, 2006 by the PriceWaterhouseCoopers International Survey Unit are over-regulation (73%), availability of key skills (72%), low-cost competition (66%), energy prices (62%), commodity prices (58%), downturn in major economies (57%), energy security (54%), technological disruptions (53%), security of supply chain (52%) and intellectual property rights (49%). Of course, as a relationship enhancement psychologist, I know our I-typers (or Instigators) are worried too about their Empathizer communicator partners who can feel at a loss for words sometimes to quell rising tides of anxiety and deafening insecurity. This is why the wise CEO and company leader hires a personal communications coach to get “outside-of-the-boss-box” constructive feedback, both positive and negative and almost always useful, to quell the fears that make all of us feel as if a giant werewolf is chasing us down in a dark woods of the soul, where we feel defenseless, small and all alone. The solution to unmitigated fear? To turn around and face the childhood beast that is chasing us down, which will lead to even greater and more adept leadership skills when the sands of changing times are shifting underneath our feet in this ever-expanding heart-mind of a world. You can read the full text of Del Jones’ USA Today article at “Could insecurity be the secret to CEOs’ success?” here. In my opinion, I believe that “previously insecure Instigators or I-types who now feel secure in their own skins” not only don’t lose their edge; but make more effective and ethical leaders when the winds of change are strongly blowing. Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the author of “Talk To Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone” available at www.drogrady.com and at Amazon.