What exactly is a negative communicator?
A negative communicator feels negatively-thinks negatively-acts negatively-talks negatively. Poor vs. rich communication results from the fear of feeling hurt and the fear of feeling too excited by the changing landscape of life.
Following are the typical booby traps of a negative communicator that you must first recognize and then step around to keep yourself traveling steadily on the communications highway.
THE BOOBY TRAPS OF A NEGATIVE COMMUNICATOR
In short, a negative communicator:
1. Plays blame games
A negative communicator blames you for their projected beliefs and tells you what a bad person you are.2. Escalates emotions
A negative communicator promotes negative emotions by escalating already tense or difficult situations. It’s like pouring gasoline on a brushfire to make it flame up, only negative communicators do it to stoke irrationality, seize control and snuff out logic.3. Loves psychodrama
A negative communicator promotes self-created crises and relationship conflicts in order to alleviate boredom and provide a sense of fleeting life meaning.4. Recites the “poor me” storyline
A negative, “poor me” communicator snipes and insinuates with one-liners like, “You get what you want and I get nothing, so you owe me and I own you.”5. Stirs the pot
A negative communicator stirs the pot, and stirs up everyone else, to gain a feeling of importance without solving anything important. A pot-stirrer behaves in provocative ways to set off the fireworks of power plays.6. Snipes
A negative communicator can’t get a grip. A negative communicator gripes, grumbles, snaps, snipes and snips like a pair of scissors or some bitter old married couple. One-liners and “zingers” are his/her specialty.7. Is a guilt albatross
Just when you think you’re sailing along smoothly, a negative communicator kills the messenger and the message. The goal is to put you in the middle of a big emotional hurricane.8. Is a gut-ripper
A negative communicator emotionally guts you to contain the emotions that are spilling out of him/her.9. Spins your head
A negative communicator will talk circles around you and make your head spin in order to contain his/her painful emotions.10. Slings manure
A negative communicator slings mud but loses ground. A negative communicator tosses you crap that you ought to flush down the drain and forget.11. Lectures you
A negative communicator gives the same tired lecture 1,000 times while you look on yet again, bored and angry.12. Gets even
A negative communicator keeps score and tries to even a hurt score with the warped thinking that “what goes around comes around.”
NEGATIVE TALKING ALIENATES YOUR CO-COMMUNICATORS
“Negative talking” angers and alienates co-communicators with “I’m right because you’re wrong!” blame-filled gestures on a one-way communications highway. I believe negative communication shouldn’t be a talk accident waiting to happen. Make negative talks an exception to your talks that rule your day.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist, executive coach and leadership development and relationship improvement consultant from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone.