You Don’t Blame a Person, You Fix A Problem!
When people are made the problem, you will be distracted from doing what works to solve the problem. When you lose a problem-solving focus, you and those you deal with WILL lose OUT in equally big ways.
Solving problems by using effective communication tools MAY be the missing map in your life adventure that can guide you out of emotional swamps crowded with hungry alligators that you are now lost in. Have you noticed how blaming others is a slick diversion to solving tenacious problems?
Here’s the pattern of how you defeat yourself: Painful emotions…trying to control…missed communications…escalating problems…the blame cycle…hard feelings…lack of cooperation…painful emotions, and so on and so on scooby-dooby do.
For example, if your turn the statement “You make me frustrated!” inside out, it becomes: “What needs to happen differently here (change) so both you and I can have our needs satisfied?” Sure, I realize we don’t always get what we want, but we can have more of what we need by using a communication problem-solving process. Why end up being an anger communicator?
What works for effective problem solving is jointly coming up with new steps to try…then trying them out. Small steps that eventually lead to big changes are evaluated daily to measure actual RESULTS. Thus, you don’t blame a person, you fix a problem!
Adjusting to problems isn’t the point here…adjusting your strategies to solve problems is the point.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a transactional analyst group and family psychotherapist who teaches how to use positive communication skills where everyone can win.