There are natural-born problem solvers and natural-born problem causers. Effective problem solvers first ask, “What is IT that’s the problem?” Once one set of problems are solved…you go on to the next set of problems to solve. Adjusting to problems isn’t the point here…adjusting your strategies to solve problems is the point.
Communicating Problem Solving
Essentially, “You make me frustrated!” turned inside out becomes: “What needs to happen differently here (change) so both you and I can feel satisfied?” Here’s how communicating problem solving sounds in practice:
- “What is the goal here…what are we trying to achieve?” Without a goal there’s no target to aim at. It’s necessary to put in black-and-white what needs to happen to make progress toward the end result.
- “What would work better now to make a win-win for all?” Focusing on what isn’t working won’t fix what isn’t working. What do you think would work better from here? Disallow yourself from shooting down ideas from the creative mind.
- “SO who’s going to do what by when?” Without a task list or “to do” list, you risk getting unfocused on easy steps that might result in huge successes. Get verbal agreement from all parties by summarizing the what/who task list…otherwise, you’ll have a listless talk list (no pun intended!)
- “How do we measure the results?” Accurate feedback, both negative and positive, is necessary to know exactly what is happening in reality versus what you wish would happen. This stage is frequently skipped, much to everyone’s chagrin.
- “How will we keep what is working and discard what isn’t working?” Trying different tools is what changing is all about. Don’t become attached to favorite tools. Be prepared to be surprised…for the serendipity of change. Keep what is working…discard what isn’t working…devise new tools to use and evaluate.
It’s NOT what hasn’t happened BUT what needs to happen that will make your day.
It’s far easier to solve problems using effective communication tools that you might think! All you have to do is keep your energy on what IS working instead of what ISN’T working.
Why not put into today what you might put off tomorrow?
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship coach and interpersonal communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone