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Roadmaps to the TALK2ME© System

“When I Get Around To It”

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“WHEN I GET AROUND TO IT”

If you use different excuses on different days, you’ll likely be able to get away with quite a lot—until it catches up with you. My favorite excuse is, “I’ll do it when I can get around to it.” How do you like that for a vague promise that lacks any concrete time limit or expiration date? Rationalizations and statements such as these will certainly put people off. As a reminder, I carry my “round TUIT” wooden token in my pocket. Now that I have a round TUIT, I can get around to it!

EXCUSES…EXCUSES

Here’s the menu of common excuses:

  • I don’t have time to do it
  • I’m too old/young to do it
  • I’m not in the mood to do it
  • I don’t know how to do it
  • I’ll do it later
  • They’ll get mad at me if I do it
  • I’m too unhappy/nervous to do it
  • I’m too shy to do it
  • I’m not a good enough communicator to do it
  • I’m a procrastinator
  • I don’t want to try it and fail
  • It’s not my job to do it
  • I’m too tired to do it
  • I can’t afford to do it
  • I don’t have the experience/credentials/degrees to do it
  • The economy is too bad/risky
  • What will other people think?
  • My family/kids/husband/wife won’t approve
  • I’ll do it when I get around to it

WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF YOUR LIFE

Making changes in your life is not about achieving instant perfection, but taking steps toward a more positive end. By constantly trying to rationalize why you can’t do something (or will…when you get around TUIT), you’ll have little chance of improving your life. What your life is ultimately about is self-improvement, which you can accomplish every, single day.

So, when will you get around to it?

There’s no time like the present.

DAYTON, OHIO THERAPIST AND TRAINER

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio Communications-Based Cognitive Therapist (CBCT) and TALK2ME communications training workshops seminar leader. Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724.

New Hire “Gold Nuggets”

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NEW HIRE “GOLD NUGGETS”

For newly hired staff members, everything is—well—extremely new! Since true living often begins when we reach the end of our comfort zones, new hires really are living the dream. While unfamiliar environments may feel intimidating at first, new hires have the opportunity to learn a new skillset—and life lessons as well. So, what principles or gold nuggets does a seasoned pro swear by?  Here are my top choices for how to continually improve one’s career-skill set.

KNOW…

  • A job is different than a career
  • Being “on time” means being “ten minutes early”
  • Being at work doesn’t mean you are actually working
  • A bad mood is like the flu—steer clear!
  • If you’re not happy in your work, you should leave as soon as you’re financially able to
  • A positive attitude trumps acquired skills
  • Your reputation is evaluated by how you behave during times of drastic change
  • What makes you ticked off and choose to remain calm
  • If you’re an Empathizer or Instigator communicator in order to avoid common pitfalls
  • It’s nearly impossible to improve without listening
  • It’s unfeasible to communicate without hearing what you don’t want to hear
  • You can funnel your frustration into motivation whenever you decide to
  • You don’t have to know or be everything for everybody
  • Your leadership light is bright and needed in this dreary world
  • YOU TOUCH LIVES AS YOU STRENGTHEN YOUR WORK SKILLS AND TALENTS!

Remember to try to have fun at work. You light up lives! You are a human being, a human doing, and a human becoming. By focusing on improving yourself today, your future success will take care of itself. Good luck on your memorable journey!

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton, Ohio communications psychologist who leads workshops in effective communication skills, servant leadership, mood management, and relationship communication tools utilizing the TALK2ME system.  Dr. O’Grady can be reached at (937) 428-0724.

Saying “I Do” To Good Couples Communication

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POSITIVE COMMUNICATION TIPS FOR OPPOSITE TYPE COUPLES

Empathizers, half of whom are men, are driven by emotions. Instigators, half of whom are women, are driven by logic. Which one are you and your partner-to-be? Here are some tips from the TALK2ME© communication system to help strengthen communication between you and your opposite type communicator partner beyond the wedding and into your future:

Empathizer-to-Instigator: What to say when you need Instigators to listen and support you?

Empathizer: I need you to hear my feelings out because that helps me feel as if you are supporting me in our wedding planning. Furthermore, I need to feel supported because, as a female, I am expected to do most of the wedding planning.
(Empathizers need to hear words of praise).

Empathizer: I understand that feelings make you feel anxious, but when you tell me that I’m not being logical, I hear: “You don’t have a right to feel that way.” Please understand that we can both be right in how we think and feel.
(Instigators think predominantly using logic while Empathizers focus on emotions when communicating).

Empathizer: I may know that you appreciate all I am doing to make our wedding a success, but I need to hear that you appreciate the hard work I have put into the planning.
(Instigators feel their worth when they do things that need to be accomplished, but they may not realize how much Empathizers need a pat on the back).

Empathizer: I know you may feel that talking won’t solve the problem at hand, but right now I just need you to listen.
(As an Empathizer, what you may really want from your Instigator partner is for them to     LISTEN, but you might suggest to them that they ask questions in order to help them focus on the conversation. They will then be able to gather a better understanding of what you need from them.)
Empathizer: Could you give me your advice/opinion on….
(Instigators love to give their opinions on things. Asking your I-type might be the best     way to get their feedback about the wedding).

Instigator-to-Empathizer: What to say when you need Empathizers to stop talking and get the ball rolling?

Instigator: I know that talking helps you deal with the issue at hand, but what I need to hear from you is what you want me to do to help fix the problem.
(It might help if your Instigator partner tries to avoid distractions or multitasking during a discussion, so that they are able to better focus on what you are communicating to them.)

Instigator: It makes me feel helpless when you reiterate your feelings and I don’t know what you need me to do to help. What can I do?

Instigator: I know that your emotions are running high, but if you try to deal with this right now, chances are your emotions will get the best of you. Can I help you by trying to relay how you are feeling, but in a calmer, more collected manner?
(This could help if there are issues with vendors, and your partner knows, as an Empathizer, emotions might further complicate the situation.)

Instigator: I may need a while to think about this issue, because as a logic-based thinker, I need some time for thinking things through.
(As an Instigator, you don’t understand why your bride-to-be keeps asking your opinion on things and then getting upset when you don’t respond quickly.)

Instigator: Could you be more direct and state what it is you need done, and give me an absolute deadline by which it must be finished.
(It might be helpful as an Instigator to let your bride-to-be know that you will do something by a specific deadline, so you don’t feel like she’s nagging you. This also might  help you feel good about checking something off your list…and it will also clue you in as to  what she needs and when.)

Talk isn’t cheap…it’s priceless. You will avoid many collisions on Talk Highway by knowing the key differences and preferences of your opposite communicator type of Instigator vs. Empathizer.

TALK2ME–

‘Talk Doc’ Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist, coach and relationship counselor from Dayton, Ohio.

Avoid Communication Meltdowns–The Leading Cause Of Divorce

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AVOID COMMUNICATION MELTDOWNS – THE LEADING CAUSE OF DIVORCE – WHILE SETTING YOUR MARRIAGE UP FOR SUCCESS

Are you invested in setting your marriage up for success? Would you like to avoid the bad habits that slowly rot away a relationship until resentment sets in like a colony of termites, eating away at the foundation of your marriage? You may think that the stressors you feel mounting between you and your beloved will disappear after the wedding ceremony, and you will live “happily ever after.”

The secret that communication experts won’t tell you: The foundation of good communication is built during the wedding planning process. If communication is one-sided, such as the bride being more responsible for decision-making than the groom, it sets up the bad habit of lazy communication. Lazy communication means you aren’t building the house of your marriage on a solid foundation but instead on quicksand. Your ship of dreams is destined to get lost and then sunk in the Bermuda Triangle of Anger.

The main reason most marriages fail is the absence of communication that leads to lack of compromise. This, then, leads to relationship depression, which results from a lack of change. Communication habits are born during the wedding planning process! One-sided communication during the wedding planning process kills off the chances of your long-term success. When relationship partners are depressed by the stress of the misunderstandings that result from lack of effective communication, they grow apart. The wall that develops between the couple leads to separation in every sense of the word.

One bad habit is avoiding discussing difficult issues, which results in no resolutions forthcoming. Good communication, and hence a good marriage, takes work. After all, marital life is a two-way communication highway! Beware: Resentments quietly and quickly add up and act as anchors that weigh a couple down, causing disengagement and laziness.

So, both the bride and groom must be assertive communicators from the get-go of the planning process, if they want to have an insurance policy against divorce. The key to your success? Knowing whether you are an Empathizer or an Instigator communicator. (To find out what your or your partner’s communication type is, just go to http://www.drogrady.com/whats-your-type/ for a short assessment and free analysis.)

You Empathizers likely find that your I-type partner appreciates your eagerness to reach a compromise in a difficult situation. Also appreciated is the fact that you have the ability to put yourself in their position, keeping you from being too quick to judge. However, your Instigator counterpart may find it difficult to relate to your passive-aggressive tendencies. With this in mind, try being straight to the point with your Instigator partner about what you perceive a problem to be, since the I-type better understands when things are concise and to the point. Ask, “What is your opinion on…?”

Instigator types, you will find that your Empathizer partners appreciate how organized and focused you are in finding solutions to problems. The E-type also appreciates how driven you are when you are working to accomplish a task. However, your E-type counterpart might become upset when they perceive that you aren’t listening. Try to listen actively to what is being said, repeating from time to time what you hear your partner saying, just so they know you are listening. Ask, “What can I do to help? I get frustrated when you go on and on about your feelings but don’t tell me what you need.”

Good communication habits, such as listening without interrupting, giving verbal appreciation to your partner, going the extra mile to walk in the talk shoes of your partner, taking time together to explore differing emotional beliefs, fighting fairly (no blaming/name calling/back turning/sarcasm/complaining to friends, etc.), profit the relationship and deepen closeness, loyalty, and bonding. Set these habits up now, before making one more wedding plan! Your marriage ceremony isn’t nearly as important as positive marital communication.

Bad habits create meltdowns or explosions. Like a volcano that erupts, when your partner has a blow-up, the lava and ash will burn everyone…and some injuries can be too large to heal or get over.

BOTH OF YOU NEED AND DESERVE TO BE HEARD, SUPPORTED, AND ENCOURAGED TO KEEP YOUR COMMUNICATION UP TO PAR. REMEMBER, BAD  COMMUNICATION HABITS NOW WILL ONLY GET WORSE LATER, WHEREAS GOOD COMMUNICATION HABITS NOW WILL ONLY GET BETTER AS TIME GOES ON.

You do want to be better, not bitter, communicators, don’t you? Congratulations on using million dollar talk tools that work wonders!

TALK2ME: SAYING “I DO” TO GOOD COUPLES COMMUNICATION

‘Talk Doc’ Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist and relationship counselor and coach from Dayton, Ohio. Talk to Dennis about free communication sessions at 937-428-0724.

Talk Prejudices (Steer Clear)

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TALK PREJUDICES

Forgive yourself. You have been ignorant of those invisible concrete highway barriers that block good communication and send your communicator car spinning out of control into a ditch. Call the TALK2ME© tow truck! Empathizers and Instigators hold standard talk prejudices against their opposite type that are rarely consciously aired or examined. Have you attended a confident communicator driver’s education class? Which grudges do you hold against your opposite communicator type, half of whom are men and half of whom are women?
EMPATHIZER-TO-INSTIGATOR PREJUDICES
•    Overly confident/cocky (Sometimes, too cocky)
•    They don’t listen
•    Too blunt
•    Too direct; right in your face; they don’t beat around the bush; they don’t care
•    Quick to judge
•    Rush to judgment; act and react impulsively
•    If you are not going to improve, you are not for us. I’s would just throw you off the bus
•    Speak their mind before they think; no filtering
•    Unreasonable
•    Their way or no way; no compromise; don’t want to reason with you; really hard to bridge the gap; close-minded: My mind is made up, this is the way it has always been done; because I said so.
•    Arrogant: My way’s the right way – if you don’t like it, whatever. This is the way it is going to be. If you think you have a better solution, go do it yourself
•    Controlling: I’s think they are in control. They: don’t want anyone else to take the driver seat; want to take charge of every situation; think the place is going to go to hell if they are not there
•    Selfish: I put my concerns over yours. I could care less what you want to do.  I’m not going to think about you, it doesn’t even faze me that I threw your ideas to the curb
•    Instigator leaders are going to be uncomfortable in the passenger seat
•    Lack of Praise: No constructive feedback, point out who did what wrong, public humiliation. Praise should come with something extreme.  However, letting someone know that you are doing your job right…even if it isn’t extreme, just what you are supposed to do
•    Don’t include others: Needing to be in the driver seat, they want the spotlight, if they have the idea they are not going to include anyone else. Take on everything. Do not delegate…do not push leadership down
•    Forceful: Direct, if they want you to do something you have to do it. Iron Fist vs. Velvet Glove
•    Non-sympathizer: We are not going to feel sorry for you. Kick you to the curb and then back the bus over you
•    Lack of Interest: During a conversation they hear about the first 15 seconds, but after that they aren’t listening
•    Stubborn as a mule. Don’t change mind or directions easily.
INSTIGATOR-TO-EMPATHIZER PREJUDICES
•    Too Sensitive: A lot of emotions instead of logic
•    Doubt Self: Whipped before the game has even begun. I like more confidence. What do you have to be doubtful about, anyway?
•    Self-pity: Feeling sorry for self and blaming self for a bad situation. Sitting perching on a mile-high pity pot. Get over it and get going!
•    Indecisive: Can’t make a decision, they want to try and please you. Why be afraid to make a decision? Just make a decision quickly for once
•    Too Talkative: Just can’t get them to shut-up. There is something else that needs to be done. It is not accomplishing the end goal. We work in a time-sensitive business, when people are too social the job isn’t getting done
•    Too Wordy: When they are talking and talking and explaining too much I am thinking to myself what they could be doing toward getting the job done
•    Time Wasters: Time is money. E’s want to explain to you what happened last time, what is hard about it, what might not work in the future. I just want them to get the job done
•    Over/Out think themselves: Analysis paralysis. Over-thinking something, such as, if I say this to this person, what are they going to say back to me, what are they going to do
•    Worry warts: Worrying so much about what you say that you end up not even making a decision.  Playing too many mind games when really you just need to put something down and go with it
•    Perfectionists: It doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be good enough
•    Doom and Gloom Forecasting: Thinking of problems that don’t exist that could possibly exist in the future
•    Inconsistent Mood: Because there is emotion involved you don’t know what sort of reaction you are going to get. One day they are positive, the next day they are not. We don’t know what mood they are in. You have to read them from the start.  It is going to be a good day or is it going to be a bad day
•    Too Emotional: Emotions need to be shelved and logic used. Results in communication and leadership inconsistency. E’s let the emotions play into the decision making process far too much
•    Can’t handle constructive criticism: Too thin skinned. Feels like walking on egg shells around them. E’s need to take criticism as constructive more often and use it to their advantage. Why always let emotions get in the way?
•    Not following map or path: We made the decision, we know which way, we are past the thinking stage, lets act on it. Get in the communicator car or walk!
•    Can’t prioritize correctly: Things are clearly black and white. When I’s see something to solve a problem they make a decision. If the decision is wrong another decision can be made down the road. Not making a quick decision is the definition of failure. It is real clear which one is most important.
•    Can’t see the forest for the trees: It is so obvious why can’t Empathizers get it?
•    Won’t speak up:  When it is something uncomfortable, something that might make someone upset. Not speaking up really causes problems, it might masquerade some real problems. No one says anything in the meeting and then they all huddle up after the meeting or come up to you after the meeting
•    No sense of urgency. When there is a task at hand, as an Instigator, I am all about getting it done NOW. We are going to lose out and miss opportunities, if we act like the Tortoise who is slow moving. Once there is a task to do, there is no sense to wait
•    Always the victim.
TALK SENSE IN THIS CROOKED WORLD
Instigators say Empathizers are victims, while Empathizers say Instigators are persecutors. Neither is true. Prejudices are negative perceptions that are false. Don’t allow them to do their dirty work on your team. You are smart to steer around those invisible concrete barriers that will crunch your communicator car on the two-way communicator highway and leave everyone cursing up a blue streak.

Talk Doc Dennis O’Grady is the developer and researcher of the revolutionary TALK2ME effective communication system. You may reach him at 937-428-0724.

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