You hear yourself moan: “IT’S not fair!”
You respond sensibly: “You’re right…It’s not fair. The FAIR comes around once in the summer!”
Often, when you feel sorry for yourself, you shut down by using the negative thought: “BUT that’s not fair!” Or, “That’s not the way IT’s supposed to be/go!” Oh man, do we have the capacity to feel sorry for ourselves and slide down into a pit of despondency, or what?
Why Does “IT” Always Happen To Me?
Hope is here when you feel primed to feel sorry for yourself. You can talk caringly and realistically to yourself while recognizing…not running from…a disappointment.
Let’s say your energy is tapped and your mood zapped. You hear your inner voice grinding out, “Why does this always happen to me? Life’s NOT Fair!” This is a great time to use CommTool #3: “‘It’s NOT fair!'” is supremely fair!” Let’s see if you agree.
Here we go…you are downing yourself by saying:
My life’s not working. I feel bad, shut down, closed in. God, what’s happening to me? I’m moody but it’s just not fair. Not fair at all! Why should I try so hard to be positive when life and people keep on letting me down? Why even bother? Throughout life I’ve been a giver, and people take me as a sucker. Takers are happy…while givers are glum. Yeah, I know feelings aren’t necessarily facts or reality BUT I feel like such a loser…a big, fat, lame, zero. Why does this always have to happen to me? IT’s NOT fair!
YOUR INNER-TALK RESPONSE: “Life is supremely fair…the FAIR comes once a year!”
Do you feel as if you’re rolling the rock up the hill by your nose, only for the boulder-of-a-rock to come rolling and thundering right back over you squashing you flat as a pancake. Sometimes, people just feel like giving up. “Why should I even try?” is GIVEUPITIS of the worst kind.
Maybe something different will happen when you challenge your negative thinking while respecting your right to feel as bad as a good person does. After all, you are getting ready to “give up ‘giving up!’ ”
Self-talk NOW: One more time…“IT’s NOT fair! Says who?…Houdini or me? I think life is supremely fair. I know for a fact that the FAIR comes around to my county in the summer…every single year. I don’t think I’ll wait that long to put my life back on track. Part of life’s magic is to decide to be positive when I’m feeling completely negative!”
“Life’s NOT supposed to be fair…so you had better get used to it, son!” won’t work for you, me or those you love. That “suck it up” well-meaning response has the effect of adding misery to my already plentifully miserable life.
Talk Back to Yourself
So be the “comeback kid” when you life stinks to high heaven like garbage. SO…when you once more hear yourself talking illogically that “IT’S not fair!” try this:
When YOU hear yourself thinking/saying: “IT’S not fair!”
Talk back positively to yourself by responding: “You’re right (insert your name here)…It’s NOT fair. The FAIR comes around once in the summer!”
Whooooooa, Nelly! Feel the difference?!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications coach from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of “Taking the Fear out of Changing” and TALK TO ME at www.drogrady.com