Here are a bunch of sassy, sarcastic, truthful comebacks to the negative talk transaction: “Why do YOU ALWAYS have to be SO NEGATIVE?” (This is how to effectively respond to the negative talks (-T) mode in miscommunication).
Just know for now, these are all one-liners across different topics to use when you want to “talk back” by using a “directive question” to defend yourself. Let’s use “PosiTalks!” to defend yourself from being harmed in a gut-drenching and gut-wrenching relationship. “Popping the positive question” sends the message that you’re tossing off the live guilt grenade aside someplace safe.
NEGATALKER VS. POSITALKER YOU
Let’s go for a ride now down the co-responsibility byway:
1. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: I don’t have to be negative…I choose to be. Don’t you agree?
2. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Well, to tell you the truth…I act negatively to screw with your mind. Don’t you agree?
3. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Well, someone has got to do IT (be negative) or IT (obsessing on the negative) simply won’t get done! Don’t you agree?
4. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Because life is a bowl of cherries…and being around you is the pits. Don’t you agree?
5. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Why not be negative? I don’t have anything else to feel guilty or bad about. Don’t you agree?
6. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Because you’re a powerful role model to me that I seek to emulate. Don’t you agree?
7. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Wouldn’t you be negative IF you lived in the future and didn’t live in the NOW? I scare the wits out of me by living in a worrisome future. I live in the NOT-NOW like you do. Don’t you agree?
8. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Hey, buddy, I’m proud of being an American and respectful of our American traditions. Don’t you agree?
9. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Easy…I would feel SO bored IF I were normal instead of hanging around Abby Normal people like you. Don’t you agree?
10. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Hey, why not? I only go overboard on the negative stuff because it bugs you so much and we both are control freaks. Don’t you agree?
11. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: To make sure you don’t forget me…or forget how powerful I am…or refuse to give me your energy and time. Don’t you agree?
12. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Because I have a POSITIVE ATTITUDE DEFICIT DISORDER. Don’t you agree?
13. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Yeah, I truly don’t mean to be SO negative BUT I’m so good at it I hate to quit now. Don’t you agree?
14. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: So, now do you feel sorry for me and willing to dance to the tune I play on my victim violin at my whim? Don’t you agree?
15. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: My pity pot is so huge I can swim in it…just like yours is once in a while. Don’t you agree?
16. NegaTalker: WHY do you always have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: So why do you have to be SO negative about my being SO NEGATIVE?
17. NegaTalker You: WHY DO YOU all-ways have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Because life is filled with all sorts of growth opportunities that are negatives and positives…joys and sorrows…and I want to feel IT ALL! Don’t YOU agree?
18. NegaTalker You: WHY DO YOU all-ways have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: Because human moods are two-sided affairs and I refuse to be a guilt magnet, fear my fear, allow you to make me into a “Dennis or Debbie Downer” or a lover of hate and small-mindedness. Don’t YOU agree?
19. NegaTalker You: WHY DO YOU all-ways have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: I get a lot out of IT…IF you can send one negative thought to the moon, why can’t you send them all there? Suffering like a Saint doesn’t suit me. Don’t YOU agree?
20. NegaTalker You: WHY DO YOU all-ways have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: WHY DO YOU have to always seek to control my mood…make me feel bad about feeling good…make me feel like stale gum on the bottom of a cheap shoe? Life’s tough enough without adding pain to the equation. Don’t YOU agree?
21. NegaTalker You: WHY DO YOU all-ways have to be SO-O NEGATIVE?
PosiTalker You: I don’t have to be negative all-ways…it’s a choice. I don’t have to handle your guilt bombs and grenades always with kid gloves. I can toss them aside someplace safe. True guilt that is mine I will own and use to grow and let go of my fear limitations. False guilt that is yours, I will not own or borrow, and instead exclaim: BUT IT’S NOT MY STUFF, SWEETHEART! Don’t YOU agree?
Did you catch on fast to the mental play and fancy emotional footwork we just went through? Whether the NegaTalker “talker” is you or me…the same type of challenging comebacks process the negative without being a starry-eyed Don Quioxte. Why heck…you might even end up feeling “more positive” without being “white knuckled” from trying too hard or critiquing yourself for not being able to be a positive Joe or Jill.
I won’t mince words or be a mensch, your words have weight. SO why am I SO negative? Because it’s part of life and I want to be a genuine guy. And as a result of pain…good people like me and you grow against all change odds like a flower that springs up in a crack splitting apart a cement walk.
I DON’T HAVE TO BE NEGATIVE…I CHOOSE TO BE…BESIDES IF I DON’T DO THE NEGATIVE, WHO WILL? There’s nothing to worry about when you talk positively to yourself!
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist and relationship coach from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of “TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone.” Dennis is using his new theory of communicator types and communicator modes to bring these “CommTools” alive to you and yours to improve your positive communication skills and strategies.