“Son…What I believe WE have here is a failure to communicate!”
Defensive Talking of The Anger Communicator
In the classic movie “Cool Hand Luke,” Paul Newman played a charismatic leader/prisoner who was also the instigator of rebellion against the system and the warden who ran it.
In a scene that’s become famous, the warden had these words for Newman just before punishing the mouthy prisoner by throwing him in the potentially deadly “hole,” or outdoor solitary confinement:
“Son…What I believe WE have here is a failure to communicate!”
It’s a perfect example of so-called “defensive talking.”
“Defensive talking” defends the individual at the expense of the relationship. Defensive talking is a play off the old saying, “The best defense is a good offense!”…which actually throws gasoline on the fire of conflicts. Defensive talking is the hallmark of an anger communicator who clubs a partner with rude words while breaking his or her bones and trust to boot.
Anger communicators lose at the game of teamwork or romantic love because of “bad communication.” An anger communicator issues extreme statements that are melodramatic and made to have the effect of backing you down from talking openly and honestly…especially about important feelings and decisions.
How so? Defensive talking by an anger communicator diverts attention away from talking about the real issues. An anger communicator’s tactics include sarcastic slams, threats, psychoanalytical critiques and guilt bombs, just to name a few. They’re all different ways of telling love and logic to take a hike.
