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Empathizer and Instigator: Distinct Differences

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Are you improving your communication skills a little each day? Only if you know your communicator type. Read down the list below to find out which type of communicator you are! For example, Empathizer communicators agree to pick up negative feelings too easily, and Instigator communicators agree to pass along negative feelings too easily, both without realizing it:

An Empathizer is naturally more sensitive and tuned in to the feelings of others.
Listening with three ears is typical of Empathizer behavior.

An Instigator is naturally less sensitive and tuned in to the thoughts of others.
Listening with half an ear, or maybe half an ear on each side of the head, is common among Instigators.

An Empathizer is at his or her best when relationship waters are calm.
Stroking loving bonds and feeling loving and valuing, are feelings with which Empathizers feel comfortable.

An Instigator is at her or his best when a crisis is burning or brewing.
Keeping a calm head during a blazing crisis is what Instigators do best.

An Empathizer feels sad because he/she fears Instigator anger.
Feeling lonely brings down the mood of an E-type.

An Instigator feels mad because he/she fears Empathizer sadness.
Feeling bored brings down the mood of an I-type.

An Empathizer deals with anxiety by talking about negative issues with a friend.
An Empathizer follows gut feelings and leads with emotions.

An Instigator deals with anxiety by doing something positive with a friend.
An Instigator follows logic and takes the lead away from emotions.

An Empathizer may stuff hurt feelings inside when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants.
An Empathizer, when hurt, can avoid or pull back from relationships.

An Instigator pushes without guilt to get what he/she wants.
An Instigator, when smarting, can be too aggressive about relationships.

An Empathizer prefers to speak by using emotions
An Empathizer changes more when using the language of beliefs.

An Instigator prefers to speak by using beliefs.
An Instigator changes more when using the language of emotions.

An Empathizer correctly believes the world is one in which humans help each other.
An Empathizer works hard to reduce losses.

An Instigator correctly believes the world is a dog-eat-dog kind of place.
An Instigator works hard at winning.

An Empathizer wants to resolve past issues now, in the present moment.
They prefer relationship problem-solving to improve togetherness.

An Instigator wants to move beyond what’s happened in the past.
Fixing things and making strategic future change – plans are what Instigators prefer.

An Empathizer forgets to put on his/her stage makeup.
Sincerity, being loyal, and real confidence are everything to an Empathizer.

An Instigator puts on a positive face.
Genuineness, being powerful, and projecting confidence are everything to an Instigator.

As Empathizer and Instigator communicators learn to better understand their weaknesses and proactively utilize their respective strengths, then every communicator, couple, and family will feel more at ease.

Dennis O’Grady, PsyD provides effective communication workshops, couple communication training and family business communication seminars using his innovative and effective TALK2ME system.. Dennis can be reached at 937-428-0724.

1 Comment »

  1. My nature is to mend fences at any cost. I will make an apology for something I didn’t do to mend fences. I will forgive an alibi of the devil in order not to feel guilty about a relationship being broken. I will forgive the devil for putting me in hell just to get along better. I’m the martyr on the ground with a foot pushed against my head, saying: “Will you forgive me?” I can see that makes me an Empathizer-type communicator in the worst way. Talk2Me is giving me better boundaries. Better than being a quick forgiver and slow learner.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — August 26, 2009 @ 1:47 pm

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