DO YOU HAVE A STRONG PERSONALITY?
If you have a very strong personality, then chances are you’re an Instigator-type communicator. That means you can open your mouth and insert your foot in the wink of an eye. In contrast, your sensitive Empathizer co-workers have elephant-sized memories for snubs and slights that seem to them as though you’ve tried to cut off their heads.
Self-professed case profile of an Instigator-at-work communicator who unintentionally caused Empathizer co-workers discomfort…
…I’VE ALWAYS HAD A VERY STRONG PERSONALITY
I have a very strong personality, and I’ve wrestled with that all my life. I don’t really like having such a super-strong personality. I typically don’t attack anyone personally or use words that would tear a person down. “It’s not what he says – it’s how he makes me feel.”
…“IT’S NOT WHAT HE SAYS – IT’S HOW HE MAKES OTHERS FEEL!”
I’ve gotten negative feedback in my reviews. It’s not my intention, but sometimes I make others feel bad. There’s a common feedback theme: “It’s not what he says, it’s how he makes me feel.”
…THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT I’M INTENDING – AND HOW I’M BEING PERCEIVED
I never attack anyone. I never verbally badger. I don’t go after anyone’s person. I never attempt to tear anyone down. But the perception is that I intimidate people and make them feel devalued.
…I CAN TAKE IT – WHY CAN’T YOU?
You can beat me to death and I can take it. The reality is, I do a pretty good job of getting past anything like that.
…THE END RESULTS JUSTIFY THE MEANS, BECAUSE THEY ARE WHAT MATTER MOST
I’m all about getting results quickly and not wasting time. The means don’t matter as much as the results that you’re paid for. Still, most people prefer an empowered atmosphere to a suppressive atmosphere.
…I FEEL UNCONQUERABLE
I try to show confidence at all times. Other times I feel totally worthless. I will survive and be O.K. If my job were to end, I would be a bum.
…I’VE ALWAYS FEARED BEING UNDER SOMEBODY ELSE’S CONTROL
I am a control freak and can get irritated and impatient easily. I’ve told my boss: “If I were you, I would have fired me long ago.”
…A MASKED CHILDHOOD THAT WASN’T VERY GOOD
The older I get, the more my past haunts me. How poorly my parents equipped me to be the person I would like to be.
…ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE PEOPLE UPSET AT ME
I guess I’m very intimidating. I don’t always know how I’m coming across. People describe me as intense, and I’m not afraid of conflict or telling you what you don’t want to hear.
…THERE’S A CLOUD OF PURE STRESS HANGING OVER ME
I’m so stressed out, I make others uncomfortable. “What mood’s he in? Is he going to bite your head off today?” Even my dogs can tell when I’m stressed.
…ORDER AND CONTROL COMFORT ME
To me, there’s a way things must be if I’m going to be in charge. I’m going to do it my way….
IS THE MESSAGE YOU’RE SENDING, THE MESSAGE YOU’RE INTENDING?
If you’re accustomed to getting what you want by acting mad and talking bad and blaming others for the whole mess, then your day of reckoning is coming, and you will be in a head-on communication wreck. Did it come out of the blue? Nah. You read it here first at drogrady.com! Why not learn to be a more sensitive communicator, instead?
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a relationship workplace communication expert and clinical psychologist from Dayton, Ohio. You can reach Dennis at 937-428-0724.