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State Your Communication Intentions?

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Why state your communication intentions to your beloved life partner of many decades? While life is difficult, love is amazing. Even with boatloads of trouble or other serious issues or walls built, still-in-love couples can tear down the walls and build something anew. But how to accomplish this communication feat? And what shall we co-create that is positive? You can get out of communication ruts with a little help from the Talk2Me© positive and effective communication system, which works like a lucky charm, whether you want it to or not.

STONEWALLING

When trust is broken, everything falls apart, and things don’t go well. Arguing between two loving partners is a red flag that there is too much loneliness, and a stone wall (ergo, stonewalling) with only one small plexiglass window has been erected. One loving husband who was married 46 years, but in love 49 years, said it well.

Instigator Talk: He described how the couple had fallen on tough times, and their love tested by fire….

We’ve been in love since we were young kids. I shut her out of my life, and she, in turn, locked the door to hers. The hurt has to be dealt with, and then eventually the why must be addressed. I spend hours at work, and she spends hours on the computer. We isolate ourselves on an island, going hard daylight to dark. Our kids are grown, and now it’s our turn…but we don’t know how to turn to one another and just to talk.

The couple goals were: To love…To talk…To be close…To get back together…To enjoy one another.

WRITE A DISSERTATION OF LOVE

If you don’t experience your love, does your love still exist? Yes, but you’re going have trouble believing in it. So that’s why you focus on your intentions to co-create…

  • Peace
  • Enjoyment of life
  • Healed hurts
  • Surplus respect
  • Joy
  • Emotional closeness
  • Good communication
  • Actions to remove resentments
  • Strategies to remove wedges that push us apart
  • Ways to mourn our losses together
  • Approaches to change what we can
  • Acceptance of what we can’t change
  • A blueprint to be best friends to one another
  • Deep trust
  • A happy partner

Nobody holds a candle next to the two of you!

FAMILY CLIMATE CONTROL

What emotional climate would you like to create in your marriage, family, or home? Find out by answering these queries:

1. What do you intend to create in your relationship?

2. Do you drive while under the influence of intoxicating negative emotions? (How do you allow your emotional chain to be pulled?)

3. Why do you rise to the bait of an unproductive argument with a child or teen?

4. Why do you push the buttons of your partner by complaining and sounding glum? (Who feels lonely for you and is waiting for things to improve?)

5. How do you break the chain reaction of behaving like the very people who have hurt you?

6. What does “Complaining is only human, but coming up with a solution is divine!” mean to you?

7. Why can’t you teach old dogs new tricks? (Is your plan for change in writing?)

So, count the ways you can make yourself and your partner happy. Unleash your love! By using the Talk2Me© system to focus on solving communication problems instead of repeating them, we can truly value the no nonsense way we can all talk productively around the Communicator Table.

ABOUT “TALK DOC” DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a clinical psychologist, a communication and relationship expert, and a corporate consultant in areas such as leadership development. Dr. O’Grady is the developer of the Talk2Me communication system, which is central to business innovation through using positive and effective communication tools.

1 Comment »

  1. Dr. O’Grady,

    Being a single mother to teenage sons isn’t easy. As you are aware, my nagging was driving a wedge between my son and myself, pushing him away. We’re opposites: I am an Empathizer communicator and he is an Instigator communicator. By using TALK2ME© tools, I was finally able to get my son to listen to me. In fact, he looked at me like I had two heads. This is what I said to walk in his I-type shoes…

    I don’t want you to think back to your teenage years as being times of fighting with mom. I’m done babysitting you and nagging you. I’ve taken far too much ownership of your poor performance in school. I won’t take ownership of your grades any longer. I’ll continue to be supportive, but I’m going to step back and let you take charge of your studying and grades. These are your grades, not mine. Life will give you consequences. You have the ability to do things magnificently…magnificently good…and magnificently bad.

    As a result of using Instigator language, we are fighting less. His grades slowly went up after I stepped out of his way. We disagree less. I used a lot of the things you said. It was the right approach to take.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — March 20, 2009 @ 2:45 pm

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