Can You Walk In The Talk Shoes Of An Instigator Communicator?
IF THE SHOE FITS
Can you walk in the talk shoes of an Instigator (I-type) communicator who is known to have thick skin? What if you’re a thin-skinned, Empathizer (E-type) communicator? How are you supposed to keep your feelings in check around The Logical One?
Now, if you are an E-type, chances are you’ve inadvertently run headlong into a talk collision — or three — with an Instigator communicator at some point. It’s not your fault! As an Empathizer, you probably have concluded that I-types are “high task (vs. touch) and coldly logical.” But that’s not enough information to map out your next communication move on the congested and fast-moving two-way communicator highway. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re traveling with an insensitive communicator passenger or driver?
CHANGING THE FLAT TIRE OF BAD COMMUNICATION, INSTIGATOR STYLE
Here then are a few key summary points about how Instigator-type communicators (p. 148-149, Talk to Me) drive and operate quite differently from E-types, on the two-way communicator highway…in the lanes of Beliefs and Behaviors.
Instigator-type communicators:
- Are intimidated by the E-types’ relationship skills
- Value protecting loved ones, country, company
- By nature, are big thinkers who don’t mind disagreeing
- Dislike hurting others but are too insensitive to the others’ feelings
- Will push their points of view, and push back effectively
- Enjoy talking confidently and persuasively
- Act like they don’t fear corrective criticisms
- Give themselves huge challenges on regular basis
- Have the attitude of, “It’s only business, it’s nothing personal!” to keep resentment in check
- Are fired up by unfair criticism as in, “Well, I’ll show you….”
- See compliments as unnecessary, perhaps insincere, and demotivational
- Drive the mood of the office or household, for better or worse
- Are comfortable being in the middle of the action but can feel weary
- Are progress- and change-centered, and they tend to be a smart workers
- Are achievement-centered throughout life
- Are impatient if results don’t come quickly enough for them
- Find that, when their energy is down, driving performance speeds up
- Are bored by soft voices, drooping postures or facial signs of disinterest
- Will stick to repeating logical points when emotions run high
- Prone to excessive self-esteem but can feel insecure
- When distressed, can’t bite their tongues and will say something stupid
- Will be stubborn like a mule when they should sit back and listen up
- Are doers to a fault and have trouble being in a relaxing pose
- Use a this-is-now approach: “Since I apologized for my mistake, let’s move on and get on down the road!”
- Can’t see how only talking about the “elephant in the room” helps clean up the piles of dung or mess left
- Are cool under pressure…putting out fires…but they may stir the pot
- Rely on the mind and intellectual powers as prime driving forces
A NATURAL BORN LEADER
If you are an I-type, then you are a natural-born leader, willing and able to take charge any time. You understand that your words say as much as your actions do.
JUST TALK: BUILDING TRUST THROUGH POSITIVE AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Are you able to walk in the shoes of your opposite communicator type? Please don’t tell me you can’t explain at least three of the crucial differences between Empathizer-type (E-type) and Instigator-type (I-type) communicators by NOW. The benefit to you of knowing these differences — or how opposite talk types attract and repel — is far greater communicator effectiveness and fewer misunderstandings. Just you check it out for yourself and see!
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS O’GRADY
Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., provides workshops and coaching on Effective Leadership Communication using the results-driven Talk to Me© innovative communication system. Dennis is also a relationship communications psychologist and corporate trainer from Dayton, Ohio. Dennis’s 2005 Dayton Leadership Study tested a sample group of 32 “proven, effective, and ethical leaders” who are responsible for running companies which account for over half of the jobs in the Dayton region. Dr. O’Grady’s findings are in his latest book, Talk To Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone, which aims to better communication across all levels. Consult with Dr. O’Grady by calling (937) 428-0724.
CAN YOU WALK IN THE TALK SHOES OF AN EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATOR?
Can you walk in the talk shoes of an Empathizer (E-type) communicator? Now, if you are an Instigator communicator (I-type), chances are you’ve inadvertently run headlong into a talk collision — or three — with an Empathizer communicator at some point. It’s not your fault! As an Instigator, you probably have concluded that E-types are “high touch and terribly emotional.” But that’s not enough information to map out your next communication move on the congested and fast-moving two-way communicator highway. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re traveling with a sensitive communicator passenger or driver?
KEYS TO THE IGNITION OF GOOD COMMUNICATION, EMPATHIZER STYLE
Here then are a few key summary points about how Empathizer-type communicators (p. 95-98 Talk to Me) drive and operate quite differently on the two-way communicator highway…in the lanes of Emotions and Talks.
Empathizer-type communicators:
• Are intimidated by the I-types’ debating skills
• Desire approval and recognition
• By nature, are shy about speaking up or disagreeing
• Are too sensitive to hurting others
• Won’t push their points of view, nor will they push back effectively
• Enjoy more compliments
• Fear corrective criticisms
• Stew and brood when talks aren’t going well
• “It’s only business, it’s nothing personal!” rings untrue
• Are de-motivated by criticism over the long haul
• See sincere compliments as being motivational
• Are person vs. policy focused
• Are behind-the-scenes workhorses who may feel under-appreciated
• Are relationship-centered
• Worry that they aren’t achieving enough
• Find that, when their mood is down, performance goes down
• Are intimidated by booming voices or facial signs of disapproval
• Can’t hear logical arguments when emotions run high
• Find that public scolding leads to personal stewing
• When distressed, will act up and do something stupid
• Will yield when they should push back and stand their ground
• Are good listeners to a fault
• Can see the “elephant in the room”
• Have solutions to pesky problems, but may not be able to lead the charge toward change
UNDERSTANDING YOUR OPPOSITE COMMUNICATOR TYPE PAYS DIVIDENDS
Do you want to get along with your opposite communicator type, instead of causing massive problems, my dear Instigator friends? Of course you do. Why would you want poor communication to push out mega-opportunities? Do you want to force positive people or truckloads of money to go flying right out of your life? New communication moves that the Talk to Me system will teach you, are as simple to recognize as the nose on your face. You don’t see the obvious honker unless you’re coached by a trusted advisor to look in the mirror of good communication.
TODAY’S TALK TOOL
Begin noticing crucial distinctive differences and communicator dimensions that will pay dividends. Today’s Talk Tool: When talking with an Empathizer, soften your voice tone and give pause or space to listen.
ABOUT THE TALK TO ME EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SYSTEM
Dr. Dennis O’Grady wrote the book on good communication, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone, available at drogrady.com or at Amazon. Dennis is a communications psychologist who leads Listen Up! workshops, which teach teams to listen better and become better communicators. Dr. O’Grady is the original developer of the powerful new person-driven, leadership communication system called Talk to Me© . Get your roadmap to communication success today by consulting with Dennis O’Grady.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — October 19, 2007 @ 6:32 am
WHAT TICKS OFF AN INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR CAUSING THEM TO FEEL VULNERABLE?
Are you able to walk in the shoes of your opposite communicator type? Please don’t tell me you don’t know at least three of the crucial differences between Empathizer-type (E-type) and Instigator-type (I-type) communicators. The benefit to you of knowing these differences — or how opposite talk types attract and repel — is far greater communicator effectiveness and fewer misunderstandings. Just you check it out for yourself and see!
ARE YOU ABLE TO WALK IN THE SHOES OF AN INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR AND KNOW WHAT MAKES THEM TICK OR TICKED OFF?
The old proverb says, “You can’t compare apples and oranges.” So what do E-types (Empathizer-type communicators) need to know about I-types (Instigator-type communicators)?
I-types:
1. Dislike being backed into a corner where logical arguments fail them.
2. Dislike being at fault for a communication breakdown or emotional meltdown.
3. Are natural trial attorneys who can split hairs and convincingly argue a fine point of relationship law.
4. Assume that co-communicators should not wear their feelings openly on a shirt sleeve.
5. Work on their own time schedule and dislike being pushed or prodded to make a decision.
6. Are the world’s best procrastinators and might imply that they will complete tasks which are ultimately left undone.
7. Feel trapped and backed against a wall when they perceive that the contributions they are expected to make to a relationship are externally dictated.
8. Resent and balk at being required to stick to specific behavioral agreements with designated performance time lines.
9. Quickly point out extremes in thinking, as in “You never….” or “You always….”
10. Are logicians who use precise, plausible arguments to throw you off the central point of the discussion.
11. Will criticize their talk partners for being too perfect and for unreasonably expecting perfect relationship interactions.
To be better communicators, we must become more able to walk in the shoes of our opposite communicator type.
TEST YOUR COMMUNICATOR TYPE TODAY
It couldn’t be easier to know your type and to whom you’re talking, by type, when you use talknology. Click here on What’s Your Type? and take less than a minute to answer the “yes” or “no” questions you find on the NICI (New Insights Communication Inventory). A free Communicator Style report will immediately be sent to your mailbox. You won’t ever receive any advertising or further marketing, as a result of finding out your communicator type.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region corporate trainer, keynote speaker, couples counselor, and relationship expert. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication, constructive team relationships, and change management. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — October 19, 2007 @ 6:34 am