19% ARE TOXIC COMMUNICATORS
Does a toxic communicator get under your skin or drive you up a wall? Or do you feel stuck in Uncle Remus’ Tar Baby of negative thoughts and feelings? Toxic communicators make you feel that you’ve dug a deep hole for yourself and jumped in, just to make yourself miserable. Actually, whether you were pushed into the hole or threw yourself in head first, followed by a metal shovel dropping down on you, you’ve got to get clear of confusing communication. There are other road signs that a toxic communicator has taken up residence in your mind and is dominating your will.
ROAD SIGNS or HALLMARKS OF TOXIC COMMUNICATION
According to my research, only about 19% of communicators are toxic communicators who spin confusion all around them. Common symptoms you will feel, courtesy of The Cagey Communicator:
You’re left a mess. You wake up in the morning, or go to sleep at night, re-hashing the insane things the toxic communicator has said or done.
Can’t and don’t communicate. “We can’t talk!” is how you’re left feeling, since you can’t really pin down the toxic communicator who is forever scheming and planning.
Sucked into the wounds of the cagey communicator. Toxic communicators pull you into their grief world to heal them, and then you’re left wounded and lonesome.
Wallowing in suffering. You blame yourself and kick yourself in the head for feeling so bad for so long. Whoops! You’ve been had once again, because it’s not your fault.
I can’t get you out of my head. Your head is crammed full of the crummy stuff that the toxic communicator has so carefully stowed away, at your expense.
Panic, anxiety, and personal unrest. Your life intent is happiness and peace of mind, not having your mind split into a million little pieces by the controlling will of the toxic communicator.
It’s now time to flick those toxic people off!
LET IT GO IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER
If your head is SO jammed full of fear and anxiety, then you are most likely a too sweet Empathizer communicator whose mind has been taken over and whose spirit has been soured by a toxic communicator. Now hear this: You have to do what will make you happy! Talk to You: “I have to do what will make ME happy!” Now, what communicator moves can you make so you’ll feel sane and serene again?
ANTIDOTES TO TOXIC COMMUNICATION
Although your mind has been in a rut, you can move out of that rut by turning your steering wheel slightly to the left or to the right. I should know, because growing up in Michigan winters gave me plenty of practice time! My dear E-types, here’s how to avoid “getting stuck” in negativity:
1. I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE. Toxic communicators are poison to everyone. You’re not the only one, and this isn’t about you. Say, “Since I’m not the only one impacted, I won’t allow my mind to stay in a fear-driven place.”
2. IT’S NOTHING PERSONAL. Toxic communicators can especially confuse sensitive and loving souls who are interpersonal experts. Say, “It’s nothing personal, because now it’s only business between us.”
3. I’M NOT TO BLAME. Toxic communicators make you feel responsible for fixing their problems and healing their ancient grief wounds. Say, “I’m not to blame for this mess, and I don’t always have to clean up after a messy communicator!”
4. I’M CONFIDENT OTHERS SEE WHAT I SEE. Toxic communicators can fool some of the people some of the time, but can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Say, “I’m confident that neutral outside authorities see what I see taking place.”
5. I HAVE CONTROL OF PUSHING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT DON’T SERVE ME OUT OF MY MIND. Toxic communicators want you to stew and sulk about their ship of fools. Say, “I have the control to push out negative thoughts that are crowding my mind!”
6. I CAN BE COMFORTABLE WITH PEACE AND HAPPINESS. Toxic communicators despise peace and strive for war, discord, and divisions that control the flow of information. Say, “I am increasingly comfortable with peace and happiness!”
7. I MOVE OUT OF MENTAL RUTS. Toxic communicators don’t have the final say, because you can allow negative thoughts to pass on through your brain. Say, “I will easily move out of the mental ruts I find myself in today!”
The clever fox wants you, the rabbit, to fight the Tar Baby of their negative talk so you get stuck faster in the goo of it. Not today. You now have the antidote to toxic communication that is NOT about you! Say with me now, “You and I are not our negative thoughts and feelings!”
ABOUT DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region communications psychologist, relationship coach, corporate trainer, and keynote speaker. His areas of focus are change management, constructive team relationships, and effective communication. Dennis is the developer of the powerful new Talk to Me© effective listening and leadership communication training system. Copies of his book are available at www.drogrady.com and at Amazon. Get your roadmap to communication success today by calling and personally consulting with Dennis O’Grady, Psy.D.