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How Negative People Drain The Life Right Out Of You

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How do negative people drain the life energy right out of you while you watch stunned and dumb? Using our communicator car metaphor, how do these ME-first pessimists who are ME(an) “energy vampires” siphon the gasoline right out of your blue Empathizer or burnt orange Instigator car, and how do they do it right under your nose? And why do you let them put you so low on fuel that you lose enthusiasm for your life goals? It’s almost like highway robbery when the slippery talks and slick tricks of an “I feel so bad about it!” pessimistic negatalker keep you coming back for more.

THE PROBLEM WITH OPTIMISM

You can either choose to be an optimist, a pessimist or a realist. Val is a realist-optimist reader who posed this challenging question:

I agree wholeheartedly with your statements about negative people being control freaks, and effective communicators being peace freaks. One thing I wish you would touch on is how negative people are attracted to very optimistic, independent and positive people. They seem to be genuinely interested in your state of being, then they slowly drain the life out of you due to THEIR lack of ambition. Before you know it, you have allowed them to rob you of most of your life and livelihood. And you become like them, negative and cynical; they eventually make you feel like them! Yes, this is speaking from experience as an optimist who’s been robbed!

Pessimists are like blood suckers who connect to your tender psychic skin. “Opposites do seem to attract, although they don’t always last.” That’s why you’ll find the communication types of Empathizers and Instigators coupled up for better and worse.

EMPATHIZER LEADER COMMUNICATORS AND THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DYNAMICS OF DEADBEATS

I assume that Val, by the nature of her question, is an Empathizer (E-type) communicator who breathes life into the deadbeats of her life. Here’s why and how the bright light of E-types can be dimmed by pessimistically perverse negative people.

1. I don’t want to hurt you by what I say or feel. E-types keep many of their best opinions quiet, out of fear of hurting a negative person’s self-image, as if that’s even possible.

2. I can’t help but try to fix it. E-types who try to help others often won’t try to help themselves, feel drained and lame and at-fault vs. at-choice.

3. I feel obligated, like I owe them. E-types fail to see that negative people take pride in selling snow to an Eskimo, and use a “victim storyline” about being unfairly treated by life due to no fault of their own.

4. I always make it into my problem. E-types take on others’ problems, as they simultaneously strip off the right to have a happy life.

5. I wish I would have spoken up. E-types are famous for saying, “I play the garbage in my brain over and over again why I didn’t speak up and say my piece!”

6. I dislike unnecessary conflict and confrontation. E-types fear conflict and hate unfair fights so much they steer clear of speaking up when their “right” opinion might get some flak or be taken “wrong.”

7. I try to talk but it’s just no use. About horses and parades: You can only clean up one side of the communicator street, YOUR side. Your talk partner must independently clean up his or her side without your help after the parade passes by.

8. I do most of the giving. E-types do more than their 50% of giving, and because they aren’t scorekeepers by nature, they get taken advantage of by the takers who confuse taking with winning.

9. I don’t want to come across as mean or selfish. E-types carry the guilt luggage of others and fear this implied threat of relationship abandonment: “You’re not doing enough for me, or trying hard enough to get along, which is hurting me and making me unhappy. You’ve got to try harder at this or we can’t be together.”

10. I lost the enjoyment of being who I am. E-types are prone to having their psychic bodies snatched, and put extra energy into others’ enjoyment while slighting their own pleasures.

NEGATALKERS: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE?

E-types believe that the spoken word of man is gospel, and should be taken seriously, which is REALLY funny, honey. That’s how negative people can steal your energy, too, when the rubber of “negatalker” words doesn’t meet the road of positive actions.

WHO OWNS THE TITLE OF YOUR COMMUNICATOR CAR BABY?

Principally, negative people get you sensitive types to do more of the work for them than they are willing to do for themselves. It’s a simply devastating illusional fact of life. Eventually, the pattern comes to light that the negative person makes a big mess for all you SO-o nice people to clean up. If you keep cleaning up a mess that isn’t your responsibility, then the negative person messes things up to dictate that others clean up after them.

DO YOU FEEL TURNED AROUND OR TETHERED AND TIRED OR TRAPPED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

You are not bound or tethered by a ball and chain. You do not permit an energy thief to stick a siphon in your communicator car or a straw in your skull. You are supposed to be liked and approved of…you shouldn’t have to work so hard at that. If you are working harder to make someone happy than they are trying to make you happy…close your gas cap and drive off down the road of positive and effective communication destinations.

ABOUT TOW TRUCK DRIVER AND LICENSED LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION AND STRATEGIC DECISION-MAKING EXPERT AND CORPORATE TRAINER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady provides management communication training to companies, and is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, USA. He knows that E-typers are too good for their own good, and don’t ever live up to their own expectations, always trying harder and harder to please until they bleed. Empathizers also lose their bearings when criticized by others, and can take turns on the two-way communicator highway they shouldn’t go on if they’re shouted down. For example, if an annoying negative person is in the passenger side of the seat, an E-typer runs out of gas and ends up needing to call for a tow truck. The “Talk to Me” communication system will HELP you to get you on the road again, and keep you on track to get your happy back. It also teaches you how to fill your gas tank before you feel like you’ve failed at everything except being a failure. Last but not least: E-types lose their sense of direction, or where they should be headed, when strong or loud criticisms are directed at them or guilt bombs dropped on them from on high.

2 Comments »

  1. E-types believe that the spoken word of man is gospel, and should be taken seriously, which is REALLY funny, honey. That’s how negative people can steal your energy, too, when the rubber of “negatalker” words doesn’t meet the road of positive actions.

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — February 23, 2007 @ 11:32 am

  2. 1. There’s always time for a good whine. Yes or No.
    (The One-Item Attitude Quiz by Dr. Dennis O’Grady)

    Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — February 23, 2007 @ 1:21 pm

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