Boost Your Energy During Taxing Times
DO YOU HAVE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS DRIVER’S LICENSE?
When you’re caught in a traffic jam, do you slam on your brakes and criticize yourself for making the mistake of coming this way? How unfortunate. Doing such a thing taxes your energy to the hilt and drains all your energy reserves. Furthermore, if you’re an Empathizer communicator, bad communications pull you down. If you’re an Instigator communicator, bad communications keep your head in the clouds. Accurate communication means talking positively and effectively to manage self-control when the world around you is spinning out of control…and when the situation warrants.
DO YOU TALK POSITIVELY TO YOURSELF (AND OTHERS) WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN?
Do you want to stop the world from spinning so you can get off? Are you a lazy communicator who always gets mad because the communication lanes are backed up and moving so slowly you could get where you want and need to go faster if you got out and walked? Then take heed — you’re at a crucial energy intersection! The only choice you might have when you’re stuck in a traffic jam is whether you will conserve or waste your precious energy. How Talk to Me© communications trainees boost their energy:
1. ARE YOU REGISTERING MORE MILES TO THE GALLON AS YOU SPEED ALONG THE TWO-WAY COMMUNICATOR HIGHWAY?
It’s up to you what you consume to feed your body, heart, and mind. Getting as many miles to the gallon of energy as you can is a good thing, so keep a notebook — jammed full of every article and tidbit of communication wisdom that will inspire you to talk more effectively to yourself and to others — close at hand.
2. ARE YOU UP FOR DOING A GOOD DEED WHEN YOU FEEL BAD?
When you’re feeling bad, it’s the perfect time to send a positive e-mail of thanks. Or you can pick up the phone and leave a Wacky Wednesday funny voice mail that has much to do with nothing. It’s one way to gab in your communicator car with a passenger during a heavy rainstorm.
3. IS YOUR RADIO BLARING OUT BAD TUNES THAT GIVE YOU A HEADACHE?
Perhaps you worry too much or ignore issues that you ought to worry about more. No one needs these life volume extremes! You can change the channel on Worry Radio. Being kind to yourself means filling your mind with the optimism of chipper tunes or listening to Positive News stations. What trash are you feeding yourself? Don’t make Monday into Moan-day. Commit your Mondays to not listening to wimpy Negatalkers gossip like broken or scratchy records.
4. DO YOU REMAIN CALM WHEN YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN…OR DO YOU FUSS AND FUME LIKE AN IDIOT?
You probably know by now that getting mad at yourself — when you make a wrong turn and shred your self-esteem…or flip off the ditzy driver on the cell phone in the other lane who nearly ran into you…or snapping at your fellow passenger — doesn’t help you to correct mistakes any faster. But that has never stopped me! Being a communication champ means you can stop and ask for help and directions. Pull over and calm yourself down when you goof up and take a wrong turn. How? Let outside experts help you solve a problem that you cannot solve alone.
5. ARE YOU LISTENING TO HEAR?
Listen up! Are you here to hear? Do you fog up your windshield by repeating unfair criticisms you’ve heard voiced about you and which pop your self-esteem balloon? Why do we listen to negative feedback from people we don’t respect? Why don’t we listen to constructive feedback from people we do respect, then make an action plan that maps out new steps to improve our communication? Well, we do like to make things complex when they’re rather simple, don’t we? If you want to feel better fast, think of a little verse that’s uplifting, like, “When at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try…doing something different!”
6. DO YOU HAVE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS DRIVER’S LICENSE?
A big energy burn occurs when you’re made to feel small and insecure by a psychocritiquing, know-it-all guru teacher type who is practicing psychology without a license. You don’t need a layperson posing as a psychoanalyst. You choose to improve your communication skills, and by doing so, you become a more and more proficient driver on Talk Highway…and you enjoy the trip and scenery more. So, be kind to yourself and put yourself around positive people!
7. ARE YOU ALLOWING A NEGATIVE PERSON TO STEAL YOUR ENERGY?
Cagey Communicators make you work for them overtime, so they can gain the advantage of your energy. Energy expenditure ought to be about equal for all talk partners in healthy relationships. Are you allowing Toxic Communicators to spew out fumes around you? Is that why you’re feeling low in energy today? I’ll bet so. Perhaps it’s time to make a change of direction in your life plans….
In fact, going the extra mile and smiling provides you with much needed positive energy for the long haul.
GOOD COMMUNICATION ISN’T A FLUKE
Negatalking is artificial, not relevant — a bad habit you can break. Negativity doesn’t motivate Empathizer communicators to become better performers, nor does it inspire Instigator communicators to manage or better understand their complex emotions. All you need is a little driver’s education training, effective communication education, and coaching to become a better communicator. You can do this! Good communication isn’t a fluke, mind you.
WHY NOT GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE IN GOOD COMMUNICATION TODAY?
Good communicators are taught to talk…not born to talk. You can make new communication moves to get along with anyone. Who’s that special someone you could get along with a whole lot better? Why, yourself of course! Why ride on the mood roller coaster by refusing to use self-management communication tools? “It’s my way or the highway!” closes down on-ramps to good communication. Throwing a fit by putting the pedal to the metal, or slamming down hard on the brakes to shock the idiot driver behind you, just disrupts your positive energy…in a big way.
TALK CLEAN TO YOU!
I saw an intellectual bumper sticker that read, “Talk nerdy to me!” That’s funny. It’s time to clean up your negative self-talk. Try this on for size, “Talk nice to me…ME!” Your confidence and energy will get a rocket boost just when you need it most.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is the developer of the TALK TO ME© effective communication system that will improve your communication skills fast in your personal relationships and at work, too. Why invest a few bucks and a little time to better your communication style in streamlined steps? Why not! Using bad communication is like throwing opportunities and money right out the window of your blue or burnt orange communicator car. Good communication pays big dividends, while the Blame Game drives you and your relationship — personal or professional — into a ditch.
Refusing to change the oil in your car means you will get partway down Talk Highway, but you will burn your engine out and need to call a tow truck. The TALK TO ME system is comprised of clear rules to make your trip down the two-way communicator highway effective and enjoyable. “The light bulb came on!” effect is just one of the key benefits you’ll receive when you personally use this innovative approach to good communication.
Don’t feel like you’re in the driver’s seat of your own life? Start preparing to get your license to drive on the two-way communicator highway right now! Get improved communication results that will benefit everyone with whom you correspond, in the workplace or at home. When you use the TALK TO ME© effective communication system, you’ll experience a communication trip you won’t soon forget!
THE BUSINESS OF BETTER COMMUNICATION
By Dennis O’Grady
Are you in a world of talk or a world of hurt or frustration? Either you’re in the business of better communication or you’re not in business at all, y’all. For example, what do you feel is the missing key to unlock a closed or locked door of communication? And, how could you improve your communication skills today that will pay dividends in your career tomorrow? Actually, those were the very questions I recently asked to workshop audience members made up of business executives and leaders.
THE GREEN LIGHT OF GOOD TALK AT THE CROSSROADS OF THE CHANGING BUSINESS WORLD
Got time to talk? You are plenty wise to get to know the communicator type of the people with whom you’re talking. That way, you don’t have to accommodate their style but you can when it will create win-win partnerships. How can you give the green light to good talk?
1. Focus like a hawk. Be more focused on what others are saying, than what you are going to jump in and say next.
2. Seek to be a better communicator and ye shall find. Set a goal to improve your communication skills a little each day, and within a year you will make smooth communication moves that net friendships.
3. Match the talk tempo. Communicating with a talk partner is like jogging or dancing together; taking turns talking or making points and matching the pitch and pace of talking gives the green light to good talk. Match the talk tempo.
4. Don’t stare off into outer space. Try to keep your eyeballs touching, and smile or nod your head in agreement when you do.
5. Enjoy feeling stupid. Leaders who aren’t “know it alls” listen really well because they are always in a learning mode.
6. Save the best for first. Instead of “saving the best for last,” do as much of what’s important to your work passions first.
7. Be on “your time.” Take time to think issues through, including four minutes of self-study or personal meditation each day.
8. Listen with “three ears.” Deep listening changes the listener and the speaker. You can’t listen with a half of an ear AND multitask AND get the drift of the complete message.
9. Change what isn’t working. Pick a flaw or an Achilles heel and work on daily improvement. For example, if you dislike change park in a new parking spot every day.
10. Connect instead of dissect. “It’s your fault!” is a way of shunning that dissects drivers on the two-way communication highway and creates a disconnect. If there’s no one to blame, what would you be doing differently today to make your dreams come true?
11. Don’t be content with feeling contented. Like the Rabbit in the parable of the Tortoise and the Hare, sit smugly on your laurels and you will be passed by in a hurry.
12. Tell the truth. You must have “guts galore” and express true feelings and thoughts that might hurt someone.
13. Know the communicator type of those you work for. You can’t always surround yourself with positive people, so know the quirks of your opposite communicator type so you don’t take things too personally.
That’s why good talk isn’t cheap, it’s priceless!
GIVE THE GREEN LIGHT TO GOOD TALK
When at first you don’t succeed, try, try doing something DIFFERENT for a change. Doing more of what isn’t working, still won’t work to resolve the communication problem at the crossroads. Enough already of you yakking about how taking time to listen will help you communicate better, and then drifting off into dreamland whenever times get tough or a bore gets off on being on a soapbox.
IS YOUR COMMUNICATION A COMFORT ZONE OR A COFFIN?
Has your “comfort zone” really become a coffin with money stuffed inside of it waiting for you to drop by? Ask questions and more questions. Feel proud to be a dumbbell who’s a “know-it-little.”
ABOUT COMMUNICATION PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton-based communications psychologist and relationship expert who has spent over 30 years of his career dedicated to the advancement of organizational and leadership development, personal executive coaching, effective couple communication skills, and positive and effective communication strategies for anyone. Dennis is the author of three books, and father to three daughters, two of whom are teenagers. Dr. O’Grady is the developer of the TALK TO ME© effective communication system available on his Web site and at Amazon.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — November 23, 2007 @ 9:46 am