Are You Able To Walk In The Shoes Of Your Opposite Communicator Type?
DO YOU WEAR YOUR FEELINGS OPENLY ON A SHIRT SLEEVE?
Are you able to walk in the shoes of your opposite communicator type? Please don’t tell me you don’t know at least three of the crucial differences between Empathizer-type (E-type) and Instigator-type (I-type) communicators. The benefit to you of knowing these differences — or how opposite talk types attract and repel — is far greater communicator effectiveness and fewer misunderstandings. Just you check it out for yourself and see!
ARE YOU ABLE TO WALK IN THE SHOES OF AN INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR AND KNOW WHAT MAKES THEM TICK OR TICKED OFF?
The old proverb says, “You can’t compare apples and oranges.” So what do E-types (Empathizer-type communicators) need to know about I-types (Instigator-type communicators)?
I-types:
1. Dislike being backed into a corner where logical arguments fail them.
2. Dislike being at fault for a communication breakdown or emotional meltdown.
3. Are natural trial attorneys who can split hairs and convincingly argue a fine point of relationship law.
4. Assume that co-communicators should not wear their feelings openly on a shirt sleeve.
5. Work on their own time schedule and dislike being pushed or prodded to make a decision.
6. Are the world’s best procrastinators and might imply that they will complete tasks which are ultimately left undone.
7. Feel trapped and backed against a wall when they perceive that the contributions they are expected to make to a relationship are externally dictated.
8. Resent and balk at being required to stick to specific behavioral agreements with designated performance time lines.
9. Quickly point out extremes in thinking, as in “You never….” or “You always….”
10. Are logicians who use precise, plausible arguments to throw you off the central point of the discussion.
11. Will criticize their talk partners for being too perfect and for unreasonably expecting perfect relationship interactions.
To be better communicators, we must become more able to walk in the shoes of our opposite communicator type.
TEST YOUR COMMUNICATOR TYPE TODAY
It couldn’t be easier to know your type and to whom you’re talking, by type, when you use talknology. Click here on What’s Your Type? and take less than a minute to answer the “yes” or “no” questions you find on the NICI (New Insights Communication Inventory). A free Communicator Style report will immediately be sent to your mailbox. You won’t ever receive any advertising or further marketing, as a result of finding out your communicator type.
ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a Dayton region corporate trainer, keynote speaker, couples counselor, and relationship expert. Dennis is the developer of the innovative person- and results-driven Talk to Me© effective leadership and teamwork communication system. For 30 years, Dr. O’Grady has focused on improving effective communication, constructive team relationships, and change management. His latest book, Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along with Anyone, is available at drogrady.com or at Amazon.
WHAT ARE THE DISADVANTAGES TO ME OF NOT KNOWING YOUR (AND MY) COMMUNICATOR TYPES?
Empathizer communicators feel and talk differently than their Instigator counterparts. “You can’t compare apples to oranges!” gets at the distinctions and preferences of each type. Disadvantages to you of not knowing if you’re an apple or an orange or working with your communicator style and improving as a communicator a little every day:
1. You will feel hurt for too long (E-type)…or hurt the feelings of others without intending to (I-type).
2. You will feel down and dismissed (E-type)…or make others feel dismissed and unimportant (I-type).
3. You will be angry at yourself (E-type) … or be resented and disliked by others (I-type).
4. You will shy away from being a strong leader (E-type) … or not garner creative teamwork (I-type).
5. You will react to problems instead of resolving problems (E- and I-type communicators).
6. You will make less money (E-type) … or feel more stressed by the money you do make (I-type).
7. You will feel stuck and blame yourself for feeling bad (E-type) … or feel stuck and blame others for your feeling mad (I-type).
Knowing your communicator type will help you pass the love of good communication on and on!
Dennis E. O’Grady
Talk to Me
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — September 18, 2007 @ 7:18 am
HOW TO CONTROL EMPATHIZER COMMUNICATORS AND MAKE THEM DO WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO?
You would think that Empathizer-type (E-type) communicators are emotional and relationship experts. And they are. Yet long-fused E-types time and time again allow themselves to be bossed around by negative Instigator-type (I-type) communicators in the workplace and the homespace. How, you might ask?
1. KEEP THEM GUESSING. If you aren’t predictable in what you say or do, the anxiety of E-types will go through the roof.
2. BE THE SLEDGEHAMMER. If you talk over E-types, talk down to E-types, cut off E-types in mid-sentence, keep repeating stupid viewpoints to E-types, frown disapprovingly or snort in superiority — then you will make most E-types shrink away and feel cowardly.
3. FICTIONALIZE. E-types are suckers for words, actually believing that people mean what they say, not saying whatever will force their way. People can find excellent ways to fictionalize — making up stories, whipping up “What if the sky falls down on you” drama; stuffing “I couldn’t do anything about it” excuses down your throat; or psychocritiques of your good character. Net result: The E-type’s mouth is taped shut.
4. ROCK THE BOAT. Negative I-types have learned that when they are losing the war, the best way to distract the opposition is to wage another battle on a vulnerable front. This is also called “stirring the pot” or “standing up for what’s right,” which translated means “I will have my way at your expense now, because all is fair in love and war, and this is relationship war.”
5. CRY-POUT-SHOUT OR OTHERWISE GET ALL EMOTIONAL. E-types’ faces melt when tears or other tender emotions are displayed. So my esteemed I-types, if you aren’t getting your way using any other tactics, then boo-hoo and cry, or go into a fit or a wild-eyed rage. It works like a charm every time.
Are you tired of being nice, Mr. Nice Guy or Ms. Nice Gal, my dear E-type? I bet so. You are prone to getting whacked out by extreme thinking and extreme emotional displays of being hurt. Well, it’s time to make this all about you, isn’t it?
ARE YOU DEALING WITH A SCRAPPY OR A CRAPPY COMMUNICATOR?
Are you dealing with a crappy or scrappy communicator? Chances are your talk opposition isn’t feeling hurt at all, but simply making cool calculated communication moves to have her way at your expense. In short, the negative talker is just fictionalizing or doing some pretty convincing psychodrama to force you to back down emotionally. Hey, they’re just tricks of the guilt talk trade, y’all. Well, my respected Empathizer communicator, your blue communicator car will veer off the two-way communicator highway if you listen to such bad communication crapola. And whose fault is that? Now who’s in the driver’s seat of your life?
WHO IS COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST DENNIS E. O’GRADY, PSY.D.
Dennis O’Grady is an effective communication keynote speaker and workshop leader who delivers corporate training which actually improves communication fast, from top to bottom. Dennis is the original developer of the powerful Talk to Me© effective communication system.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — September 18, 2007 @ 2:06 pm
PERSONAL AND BUSINESS COMMUNICATIONS COACHING
I’m not the type who seeks help. I try to solve problems all on my own. That wasn’t working, so I set up a one-time appointment with communications coach Dr. Dennis O’Grady. What did I get for my investment of time and money?
I made progress from the very first meeting which surprised me a little bit. My problems were both personal and business and pretty involved. The main benefit to me was being able to unload with somebody who’s not close to the situation. And Dr. O’Grady made very good suggeestions, too. Dennis helped me make “my map” and set forth the small steps to take that leads to results. I felt encouraged, and as a result took the necessary steps. Although my situation is far from perfect, I can confidently say in a single communications coaching meeting with Dennis, that my situation became a whole lot better due to new approaches.
Skip C.
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — September 20, 2007 @ 7:54 am