Women Who Are Mad At Men Who Don’t Commit
Alright, I’ve got to be honest with you here. I really love the women who jab me by asking bluntly: “Why can’t men commit to a new and improved romantic relationship? Are they burned out, resentment riddled, too scared to commit, spineless cowards or just too plain dumb to go on with love?” Well, perhaps I’m exaggerating here a little bit (which I’m prone to do when women get all riled up about my gender) BUT let’s all talk about the complex and sensitive topic of “men who are afraid to commit.” SO IF you’re having trouble “getting” a “man” to “commit”…then you are probably failing to see the forest for the trees. What do I mean this?
IS YOUR GUY AN EMPATHIZER OR INSTIGATOR COMMUNICATOR?
I’m not suggesting that guys are dull cattle or mindless sheep who just need to be lassoed, herded or coaxed into the corral (and then branded with your initials). Far from it…because you can’t control (or buy) love. In fact, I’m saying that one size does not fit all, communicator-wise. Get ready, because help is on the way when you use my communication system to understand the opposite sex.
First, do you know the communicator type (not personality) of your guy? Not sure? If not, you won’t be able to figure out the “commitment puzzle” or be able to “predict” a guy’s level of emotional commitment and interpersonal trustworthiness.
WHILE YOU’RE AT IT…LET’S TEST YOUR TYPE INSTEAD OF FRETTING
If you don’t know the communicator type of your guy, chances are you will be chronically frustrated through no fault of your own! So what type of communicator are you or your guy? Are you (or is he) more sensitive and tuned in to others? Are you more insensitive and tuned in to yourself? Is he? I’m bettin’ that you are an Empathizer-type communicator—someone who is interpersonally trustworthy and aware.
Yeah, so…the bad news here is? Be-aware: An Instigator communicator can make your head spin and “make you” try too hard, when in reality you might be better off accepting the loss of “this isn’t working” and moving on down the road because you are the true leader of your own life.
MORE ABOUT COMMITMENT AND COMMUNICATOR TYPE
SO don’t let yourself be led around like a goat on a rope! Know your communicator type and who you’re talking to by type to spare your energy and steer clear of bad, bad vibrations! Must know communicator facts:
1. If your guy is an Empathizer-type communicator or E-type guy, then he will commit too easily or quickly and have difficulty letting go of relationships that aren’t good for him. Ergo the muse: “Why are all the good guys taken?”
2. If your fella’ is an Instigator-type communicator or I-type guy, then he will keep you guessing as to where the relationship is going in order to have more interpersonal power and control. Ergo the muse: “Why are guys so afraid to commit to a good gal with lots on the ball?”
Knowing this kind of information is just the beginning of finding new answers that address and resolve old frustrations and frustrating relationship patterns. In fact, your mood…personal energy in spite of stress…and positively optimistic attitude will likely improve 66% when you use the principles in “Talk to Me.”
FIND OUT IF YOUR GUY IS WORTH COMMITING TO
The whole shootin’ match of a positive relationship worth having hinges on TRUSTWORTHINESS—the man does not lay blame on any person for the state of his life AT ALL. As a professional psychologist and man, in my opinion as a man I am worth committing to and/or seeking a commitment from IF:
2. I don’t carry around old resentment baggage about anything
3. I’m not angry at the opposite sex or have an ax to grind
4. I am trustworthy…I do what I say I’m going to do when I tell you I will
5. I don’t make “poor me” or “please feel sorry for me” whiny-baby excuses
6. I don’t keep you guessing about where my true commitments lie today
7. I work on my own personal growth on a daily basis
Dr. Dennis O’Grady knows his communicator and the types of just about everyone he comes in contact with, because he’s dedicated his career to putting his ideas into action. Find those ideas in his latest book available only at this site, “Talk to Me: Communication Moves to Get Along With Anyone.”
Why allow yourself to be led around like a goat on a rope? Matching with your communicator type is no big deal when you can identify the two talk types as you talk to people you relate to throughout the day.
The whole shootin’ match of a positive relationship worth having hinges on TRUSTWORTHINESS—the man does not lay blame on any person for the state of his life AT ALL. As a professional psychologist and man, in my opinion a man is worth committing to and/or seeking a commitment from IF: A GOOD GUY DOESN’T BLAME ANYONE FOR HIS WOES…AND EMBRACES CHANGE!
Comment by Dr. Dennis O'Grady — September 27, 2006 @ 6:43 am
This is a great blog. So often, I have heard my lady friends relate a relationship as a car restorer would about a ‘68 T-bird. Its like he’s a project that needs fixed, restored, improved. And the worst thing is that it is so pervasive among the womenfolk! They (women) do not expect to encounter a man who is ‘as-is’ and suitable. And the worst part is that some women hold onto these ‘projects’ because of all the ‘work’ they have put in. They don’t want someone else to ‘profit’ off all their ‘hard work’. Hmmm…?!@%* To all those men who read this: you wearing your flaws like a badge of honor could be more of a detriment then you realize. Women are competitive just like men, but in a different way.
Comment by Sara — September 27, 2006 @ 11:25 am
I’m an example of a guy who doesn’t want to commit after being hit with a divorce I didn’t expect. I didn’t date for a year. Then I began dating, and because I enjoyed my independence and thought blending families would be weird and difficult, I had doubts about making another serious commitment.
I am lugging around old relationship baggage. I still VERY mad at my ex-wife. I’ve begun reading your book to stop putting my life on hold and get past the past. I would like to enjoy a relationship again. However, my only commitment is to start enjoying my life again TODAY. I am an Empathizer-type guy who was married to an Instigator-type woman. I’ve got to let these relationship resentments go instead of lugging them around forever.
Thanks for helping me let go of the past and move forward so I enjoy life again…and trust that love doesn’t hurt.
Comment by Mark — September 27, 2006 @ 12:02 pm
I’m twenty-four and example of a guy who has bad experiences with women because I’m too nice. I’m an introvert and women walk all over me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t matter or that I’m invisible. You’ve got to me because I can “terrorize myself with negative self-talk.” Women can’t get away from me fast enough.
I’m ordering your book because I don’t want to be a pessimist any longer. Bad stuff sticks, reverberates and echoes in my mind all the time. If you compliment me…I don’t believe it. Everybody hates me because I can be down all the time. You’ve said my energy and mood will pick up by talking in positive ways to myself. I’m willing to give it a try. I hope this will help me overcome the shyness I have, too.
Thanks for listening and helping.
Comment by George — September 27, 2006 @ 3:18 pm