Marriage: ‘Til Debt Do Us Part
“Couples have tough calls to make–yet many don’t talk about finances.”
A lead article today in USA TODAY discussed how many couples don’t talk effectively about money. Seems that sex is an easier topic to talk about, although good communication seems as rare in marriage as clean air these days.
As a communications psychologist, I’ve learned that “satisfaction with communication” is directly and powerfully linked to a partner’s overall and emotional and physical health. Thus, the consequences of “I just can’t talk to my partner about….” are staggering and monumental for both Empathizer-type communicators and Instigator-type communicators alike.
- Miscommunication or no communication dims the inner light of an E-type or Empathizer communicator who burns out emotionally when talks don’t work to change anyone
- Missed or no communication drains the physical battery of an I-type or Instigator communicator who burns up physically when talks don’t fix problems
Control Freaks: “My money is MY money…and your money is MY money!” is a benchmark of a controlling relationship. Love doesn’t thrive where control lives.
“Why can’t we talk now?”
Why can’t we talk without shame and blame interfering causing a standoff? Why don’t we talk about money… sex… religion… politics… elders… dreams… disagreements, etc. far more easily and free of power plays that distance co-communicators? You and I don’t talk because we fear making a partner mad or hurt and turning him/her into an anger communicator.
The Blame and Shame Show
The blame and shame show assassinates healthy communciation. Being an angry communicator is a distraction…a manipulative attempt to control people and emotions that doesn’t solve problems or create needed changes.
If you can’t talk…you can’t have a constructive disagreement without casting stones of blame at the face or backside of a partner. Finding fault and finger pointing is a cycle or “bad habit” that unaware couples slip into quite fast. In short order, we sacrifice the self while blaming the other for being SO selfish…when the truth is we’re both losing out big-time.
