Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Why can’t get we all just get along? When you are cut off in talk traffic and you choose to revert to using non-verbal pointy-finger gestures, you publicly declare your Communicator I.Q. Are you clashing with a fellow co-communicator in work or family realms? Do you feel like the two of you are oil and water and just can mix or tolerate each other? Welcome to the talk club!

ROAD SIGNS OF POOR OR NO COMMUNICATION

Here are some common road signs of poor or no communication, signs that make you feel as if you’re stuck in one place grinding your gears…spinning your tires…and revving up your fears while going nowhere:

1. DETOURING DIFFERENCES. Although Empathizer and Instigator communicators have opposite strengths and complementary weaknesses, the clash of talk titans causes differences to detract or detour talks, and fiery crashes can result.

2. GRINDING GEARS. When you try to talk, you feel as if you’re talking to someone who speaks a different language, one who doesn’t listen with care or interest.

3. DENSELY UNAWARE. When you clash with a fellow communicator during foggy conditions, your fellow talk traveler may not pay attention, and thus “be not aware” of what’s really going on.

4. TRAFFIC JAMS. When talks get jammed up, you will try harder and harder (to no avail) to get through crowded talk intersections.

5. TERRORIFIC. As you fret and worry about getting to where you want to go on time, and the more you feel you stand to lose, the further down the road of frustration you will go…blaming others for your bad luck.

6. FACE SAVING. You “fib for the greater good” or tell white lies when tension is thick to save face; you claim that you’re not speeding when you are.

7. MIXED SIGNALS. This is when words and actions don’t match, and fantasy gets all mixed up with reality. For example, the “fantasy appearance” of working on things when the reality is quite different.

8. PERCEPTION MANAGEMENT. Putting footprints into the malleable sand or clay of the mind to promote your point of view at the expense of honesty and fairness. Thus, someone saying “I’m a good talk driver” may mean anything but.

9. CREDIT TAKER. Bad communication drivers take credit where credit isn’t due them, and they put on a good act or blow smoke to look good.

CLASHING VS. MESHING COMMUNICATION STYLES

The main fallout of clashing vs. meshing communication is that compromises aren’t reached, compromises that will benefit all and move everyone down the road where all want and need to go. Clashing communicators grind the gears in ear-slipping annoyance. Ugh! Do you feel like your point of view is run over by an angry driver? Then change your talk speed using the “Talk to Me” communication system.

ABOUT EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION KEYNOTE SPEAKER AND PERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS COACH DR. DENNIS O’GRADY

Dennis E. O’Grady, Psy.D., is a Dayton region communications psychologist and organizational consultant who is the developer of the “Talk to Me” communication system. Dr. O’Grady’s third book is “Talk to Me: Communication Moves To Get Along With Anyone,” which boosts your mood and powers your professional business communications while being of positive benefit to your personal, marital and family communication relationships, too.