Dr. Dennis O'Grady

I was quoted in the Dayton Daily News today in the article “The true devastation will come when they do close something” by Kevin Lamb- current link: http://www.daytondailynews.com/business/content/business/daily/1120delphi.html
If you are facing loss of your job, you’ve found the right site. I’ve posted some thoughts on change–and ways to help you cope. My book “Taking the Fear Out of Changing” has helped many people deal with the anxiety brought on by loss of control caused by circumstances beyond your control.

Maintaining a positive attitude is a challenge for everyone who faces stress-and who doesn’t?
But how can you keep a positive attitude about the changes that are required to reduce stress, especially when change itself is so stressful? How can you deal with new stresses that pop up? How can you stay alert for new solutions to old problems?
Here’s how: by becoming an expert at making change a positive process. Change experts embrace the power of change using these bright ideas:

- Experts don’t use the words “Yes, but …” As soon as you utter the word “but …,” you run the risk of dispelling good advice that could propel you to new heights.

- Experts aren’t chicken to challenge themselves to pursue large dreams and goals.

- Experts don’t strive for a perfect outcome on the first try.

- Experts refuse to kick themselves (or others) ruthlessly if they fail to achieve a goal by accident or on purpose.

- Experts intuitively know that if they start playing the blame game, the ship of their dreams will get lost and then sink.

- Experts try to think positively when they are feeling pessimistic, beaten down and eaten up by stress.

- Experts refuse to be victims for long.

- Experts keep trying to gain a fresh perspective on stale problems.

- Experts don’t complain about what they can or can’t change.

- Experts recognize when they are beating their head against a wall. When that recognition hits, they pursue new choices to go around, under or over the wall.

- Experts rely on a few close advisers who will give them blunt and honest opinions.

- Experts act in spite of innate and learned fears that fuel higher self-esteem.

- Experts value emotional attachments by letting other people into their hearts and under their skin.

- Experts think about conflict issues and take a public stand by explaining but not defending their viewpoint.

- Experts avoid emotional escalations and psychodrama in their personal and work relationships.

- Experts use this personal growth motto: “Analyze and change yourself first and try to critique or change others last, if ever.”

- Experts resolve resentments in order to keep going, and they shrug off rejections to get going again.

- Experts tap, accept and showcase their hidden strengths without becoming stuck up.

- Experts let go of the need to control every outcome in life and learn to ride the tides.

- Experts prefer to give more than they take, and they always give a little extra along the way.

- Experts don’t expect life to be easy, pain-free and predictable.

- Experts don’t twist reality. Instead, they strive to think straight in a crooked world.

- Experts seek to learn something new from every stressful situation instead of fussing and grousing, “Why does this always happen to me?”

- Experts don’t tire learning more deeply about the good, bad and ugly sides of change.

- Experts desire to get good enough at one small thing that makes a big difference in the world.

The surest route to happiness is to grow and change! Easing stress is your job because you alone live full-time in your skin. Are you worth it? You know best.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone.

Do you realize the power of your words? There’s no substitute for kneecap-to-kneecap communication, where you’re sitting down together and really talking things through. But when direct contact isn’t possible, you can still send a positive message through the fog and vapors of the Web.

POSITIVE TALKS

I’m committed to writing and sending along “positive talk” e-mails. I consider them “cash cow comments,” or words of wisdom I’d like to be remembered by their recipients. They are little words that can make a large impact.

PARENT-TEEN TALK

Here’s what I wrote to a favorite teen of mine today:

Shoulder to shoulder
Hip to hip
Elbow to elbow
Together we stand…
Forever together.

Perhaps one day too soon, the teen shoe will be on the parent.

IF THE SHOE FITS

I’d like to think that when I’m ancient, ill or struggling, I just might hear boomeranging back to me from my beloved no-longer-a-teen but now an adult woman:

Dad, shoulder to shoulder
Hip to hip
Elbow to elbow
Together we stand…
Forever together.

LOVE YOUR TEEN UNCONDITIONALLY?

Today, love your teens unconditionally as if their lives, and yours, might somehow just depend on it. And remember my admonition about change: “What goes around comes around, including positive paybacks of love and loving kindness.”

If you live with, teach, work alongside or otherwise love teen(s)…do you freely agree with the core tenet implied above? Do you believe that unconditional love promotes a healthy love of self and respect for relationship rules that create winners?

ABOUT COMMUNICATIONS PSYCHOLOGIST AND KEYNOTE SPEAKER DR. DENNIS O’GRADY, PSY.D.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication Moves to Get Along with Anyone. He is a husband and the father of three daughters, two of whom are teenagers. Dr. O’Grady is President-Elect of the Dayton Psychological Association and Clinical Professor at the Wright State School of Professional Psychology.

When I studied to become a Transactional Analyst in the 70s, I learned how to analyze T-shirt slogans. What fun. Why? A slogan is a slippery transaction because it has a stated positive meaning, and an implied negative meaning. For example, suppose a T-shirt says this: “You analyze too much.” Its stated positive meaning is “Don’t worry. Be happy.” And its implied negative meaning: “You’re a worrywart.”
Come analyze with me! Here are some T-shirt slogans that I discovered during communications training meetings this week…and some ideas about what they might mean:

1. You don’t understand.
Interpretation: If you don’t agree to mirror what I feel, think, say or do, then I will lay a guilt trip on you.

2. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.
Interpretation: I won’t change what I don’t want to change, and I’ll use age as my excuse for not doing so.

3. I’d like to BUT…
Interpretation: I’d like to be more positive BUT my negative mood and mindset are in control here.

4. Everyone else is doing it.
Interpretation: I shouldn’t have to make hard, good choices when other people are making easy, negative choices.

5. There’s never enough time.
Interpretation: If you want to know the truth, I make time for what I want to do and don’t make time for what I don’t want to do.

6. You (they) drive me crazy.
Interpretation: I give you the right to play with my mind and drive me crazy and then complain about the whole mixed-up mess.

7. The buck stops here.
Interpretation: The dollar stops with me but the blame lands on your doorstep.

8. It’s not my fault.
Interpretation: I always have a good logical reason for why I’m not responsible for the mistakes I make.

9. Huh?
Interpretation: For the sake of power, I’m going to make you put more energy into this conversation than I do.

10. I was only kidding.
Interpretation: Since I didn’t intend to hurt you, you shouldn’t hold me accountable for stepping on your toes and causing you pain.

11. You’re being so negative!
Interpretation: The most negative thing I can say to you right now is that you’re being SO negative.

12. I have to be honest with you.
Interpretation: A white lie here and there never hurt anyone.

Are you sending out positive messages that will create the positive life you seek? If not, why not? Today, make time to talk positively and accurately to yourself and others for a change.

Dr. Dennis O’Grady is a communications psychologist from Dayton, Ohio, and the author of TALK TO ME: Communication moves to get along with anyone